2004 Can Kiss My....

Mark's Ass From a Hole In The Ground II

He's Back!

Maybe it's like my sex life, and by that I mean, maybe it's just me... but
doesn't it seem odd that if the girl likes you it's considered "looking out
for the ones you love", but if she doesn't like you it's considered
"stalking?" I'll never fully get that, or why I have to wear this leg
braclet.

In totally unrelated news... it turns out that there's a fine line between
"President of a Fan Club" and "Defendant." Apparently, it's okay to write
hundreds of letters to Jennifer Love Hewitt's manager requesting a photo,
but you make the one time mistake, yeah... ONE TIME mistake of writing that
same exact letter in goat's blood, and *bam* they come down harder on you
than Pamela Anderson on X at a biker rally. Also, this is very important,
kids... if you're writing letters to your favorite celeb... be very, very
careful how you phrase, "I would like a headshot." One word=good. Two
words=restraining order.

I was thinking... if it's considered such a bad thing to get... why do they
call it The Clap? In almost every other situation getting "the clap" would
be considered a good thing. I'll illustrate:
You: "I won the Superbowl." They: Clap "You're awesome!"
You: "I discovered the cure for cancer." They: Clap "I want my son to turn
out just like you!"
You: "I went on Spring Break and got wasted on keg stands, beer bongs, and
jello shots. Then I had hot monkey sex with a sophmore cheerleader from the
New Jersey College of Refridgerator Repair." Doctor: "Clap" They: "Don't
touch me."
I would also like to point out that if they call it "the clap" then the year
I went to Cabo San Lucas and ended up at that Mexican "Street Walkers" Run
For The Cure... I came home with a "standing ovation!" Ah... I miss Bible
College.

I've given up on looking for human intelligence. I have. And I'll tell you
why. Not too far from the studio there's a school for blind children. The
studio is located on a somewhat busy corner with little shopping botiques
and convienence stores within walking distance. So, in an effort to
accomodate the needs of the handicap, the fine city of Charlotte has
installed talking "walk" signs at the crosswalks to count down the seconds
before the lights change. It's a thoughtful and nice gesture. But here's
where it makes me want to ask God, "Why don't You just scrap this whole deal
and start over?" The talking signs only talk at NIGHT! That's right, NIGHT!
That means that someone, probably an elected official from the city,
actually thought to him or her self, "You know... those blind kids are sure
gonna have a hard time seeing oncoming traffic at night! I better put
something up that helps them!" I don't get it. Seriously, anyone who knows
anything about blind people knows they can't hear at night! I know this is
horrible... but there's this really sick part of me that thinks it would be
funny to stand out on that corner during the day and yell out the wrong
time. "The lights changing in 15 sec... no, wait, make that 5 sec... oops...
damn it, run kid, run!" I hope I like Hell.

Well, that's all for now. You Guys & Gals have a nice day. I am finding you
all.

Mark

No Words

There are no words to describe the feeling of horror that courses through me when I think about the unfathomable disaster that took the lives of 52,000 (and growing) beings.

Michele has made a HUGE list of ways to help out.

Don't Stop!

Hell, don't even slow down.

Starting New Year's Day, stranded freeway motorists better get out the way because the tow truck is coming, whether they want it or not.
Mayor Bill White's traffic-management plan declares all freeways are tow-away zones and the city has signed contracts with wrecker companies to patrol 29 freeway sections and immediately remove any stalled or wrecked cars.

What's this world coming to when you can't even pull over on 59 for a little road head?!?

It's a Festivus Miracle!!

The view from the side of my building.

Zoe and Crash trying to figure out what in the hell is going on!

Check out the paw prints in the deep snow! They don't seemed phased by the snow at all.

Zoe's not sure about walking down those snow-packed stairs. Piper's down there but she quickly said "fuck this!" and ran back upstairs!

The breath-taking courtyard.

Zoe's still slowly making her way downstairs. Crash is wondering what all the fuss is about!

It's Official! Hell: Frozen Over

I came outside tonight to find these sites:

My porch

Car 1

Car 2

I could hear neighbors coming out of their homes going, "WOW!" or "Oh my God!".
Yeah, I know to you people up north, we're acting like fools but....holy crap!...we might just have a White Christmas!

Waiting for the Apocalypse

I'm in Texas. Southeast Texas. I'm right on the Gulf of Mexico.
Ladies and Gents...it's SNOWING.
SNOWING.
There is white stuff falling from the sky. What's next? Plagues of locust?

I've never really seen snow. I've seen flurries like this 15 years ago. It didn't really stick to the ground but today it was collecting on my stairs and it crunched when I walked on it.
It stuck to the dogs' fur as we took our morning potty walk.
Piper, the little one, shivered violently so I zipped her up in my coat as we walked.

Kids were out in force, running around screaming, "It's SNOWING!".
My phone rang incessantly with friends and family screaming, "It's SNOWING!".
Shit's out of control here!

Apparently, I won't be wearing shorts and flip-flops on Christmas Day.
It looks like I'll be curled up in bed shivering from flu-induced fever, instead.

Merry Fucking Christmas!

Lucky Lucky Girl!

A lovely friend and reader, John, has been generous enough to send me a few things from my wishlist.
Yesterday, I received the long awaited The Commitments DVD and the much anticipated restored edition of Sylvia Plath's Ariel.

See? My begging and virtual arm twisting has paid off!

In all seriousness, I am touched by your generosity and thoughtfulness.

Thank you.

PS: I started reading Ariel last night until I could hold my eyes open no longer. It's truly amazing!

Can It Be? Can It Be Christine?

I have no words to describe what I witnessed last night.
I've loved Phantom since that day I bought the cassette tape (!!) of the original broadway cast recording in 1989.
Seeing it on the big screen was simply breathtaking.
Since I am speechless, my fellow Phantom lover and best friend, Darren, will continue with the review.

I am agog, I am aghast, can this be Christine at last... I know. Wrong show. The words are fitting, however.
My ears are not virgins to the Phantom. This music has rung in my head for fifteen years now. I can only express for those who have sat in the dark listening to the original cast recording and dreamed in their mind of the phantom and his trappings, of Christine and her pristine and innocent voice.
It was a midnight in my senior year of college that I put the original cast recording on tape into a stereo for the first time, plugged in headphones and layed supline in the dark apartment. I knew nothing of the show. Crack! "Lot 665, Ladies and Gentleman..." A minute later, the auctioneer would fortell what would occur to me late that night. "a little illumination, gentlemen". The sounds of the organ flooded my ears and for the next hour and a half I sat motionless, mesmerized by this uncovering masterpiece.
Since then, I have been lucky enough to see Phantom live on stage 6 times and have always loved it and learned a bit more about the story each time.
I have just returned from seeing the movie on opening night.
It's a masterpiece. The dark shadows of the story of the Phantom have become fully illuminated in beautiful detail, artful story telling and stirring vibrant sound and vocals.
I literally sat speechless thoughout the ending credits fully absorbing the wonders of what I had just taken part in. I felt as if I was completely wrapped in the pain and pleasure of the love triangle draw onscreen. The music and visuals are so stirring and the desperation of the characters so apparent that you sit and long for all of them.
Before seeing the movie, I had heard rumblings of "where is Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford?" and I wondered if the movie would cheapen the legendary show. Just the opposite, I feel. I think the movie is a treasure and perfectly done.
Bravo, bravo.

It's All about Meme

I stole this from Jay. Once he told me, "What's mine is yours". Then he called the cops when I drove off in his car. Hypocrite!

1. Your name spelled backwards: annAeD
2. Where were your parents born? Louisiana and Texas
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? iDailyDiary.
4. What’s your favorite restaurant? Niko Niko's
5. Last time you swam in a pool? Does getting thrown into one count?
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Yes
7. How many kids do you want? I don’t know

8. Type of music you dislike most? Country
9. Are you registered to vote? Yes.
10. Do you have cable? Yes
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? No
12. Ever prank call anybody? Yes
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Yes
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I'm not sure
15. Farthest place you ever traveled: Toronto?
16. Do you have a garden? no
17. What’s your favorite comic strip? None
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning
20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month? None (going to see Phantom tonight, I predict that will be the best)
21. Favorite pizza toppings? Meat
22. Chips or popcorn? Chips
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Flirt
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Wha? No
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Yes
26. Orange Juice or apple? OJ
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Friend - Gaidos
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Three Musketeer
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? November 2
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? probably never
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes
32. Are you a good cook? I like to think so
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yes
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? No
35. Sprite or 7-up? Dr. Pepper
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yes - Scrubs
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? DayQuil
38. Ever throw up in public? No
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? Neither equals happiness (stealing Jay's answer)
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? I think so
41. Ever call a 1-900 number? No.
42. Can ex’s be friends? Yes.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Mom
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Nope
45. What message is on your answering machine? Some strange computer man
46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? I have to think on this one...
47. What was the name of your first pet? Satchel
48. What is in your wallet? everything but money
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Well....now that's getting a little personal isn't it? ;)
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Breathing through both nostrils

Mark's Ass From a Hole In the Ground Part I

Mark's a.....special guy...

Okay Guys & Gals:

Mark

Mark's Life

My friend Mark likes to keep me up to date with the goings on in his life.
Here is his latest email:

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost
track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I
couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a
little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit
older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"She giggled and said she was
sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a
man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that
she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... ...so I
told her to fuck off.

It's Not Last Minute Yet!

I admit it. I'm not done.
I'm not even CLOSE to being done. I predict that by Thursday, December 23, I'll be finishing up.
I'm not ashamed.
Frankly, people who get all their Christmas shopping done early, sicken me.
I hate them. I want to gouge their eyes out and rip their hair out from the roots. I want to smash their holly jolly faces in.
It's unAmerican to finish shopping so soon, really.
What would Christmas be without all the cursing, shoving, hostility and hatred you find at the malls?
What would it be like without tires screeching and horns honking in the over-crowded parking lots?
I will tell you what it would be like. It would be HELL!
Who wants a quiet Christmas with the yule log and presents hung by the chimney with care and shit like that?
Who wants to string popcorn while singing carols with the children and sip hot cocoa?
That's not Christmas.
Parents fighting to the death over a doll that wets itself. Whiplash in the parking lots. Screaming kids, pissing on an alcoholic Santa's lap. Tired husbands, submitting to their wives holiday abuse. Fat fathers falling off the ladder, trying to put the last string of lights on their Grizwald home. Coming home on Christmas Eve battered, bruised, sweaty and disheveled with a fist full of shitty last-minute gifts.
That, my friends, is the TRUE meaning of Christmas!

One Blog To Live

Over at Uptown Girl there is a soap opera going on.
Unfortunately updates are few and far between but really, who could handle that much drama?

Her friend Fran and Fran's entire life is the stuff daytime dramas are made up.

It's utterly fascinating to read about but it's got to be SUPER frustrating to be Fran's friend.
Go check out the latest Franisode.

It's Always About De

A while back I wrote the obligatory 100 things about me thing.
I took it down when I moved from blogger to the lovely world of munu.

Chatting with Jay today reminded me that I needed to update it and put it back on the blog.
So, without further ado, I give you 100 Things All About De.

Also, for your convenience, a link will be permanently displayed on the right side down there.

Rachel Lucas is back again again again again...

If I did a search on this blog for how many times I said "Rachel Lucas is back" I'd get about 349358493 results.

However, once again, my mentor is back. She is the reason I fired up ol' blogger and jumped on the somewhat shiny, new bandwagon.

She rocks so much more than I could possibly ever dream of rocking.
Go see her, love her, LIVE her.

Blue-Eyed Infidel

It's All About MeMe

I totally stole this from Jay.

LAYER ONE:

– Name: De
– Birth date: June 12
– Birthplace: Somewhere in Texas
– Current Location: Still Somewhere in Texas
– Eye Color: Green
– Hair Color: Brown
– Height: somewhere between 5'9" and 5′10″
– Righty or Lefty: Righty
– Zodiac Sign: Gemini

LAYER TWO:

– Your heritage: German, Scottish (from Mom's side), Coon-Ass (from my Dad's side)
– The shoes you wore today: black ones
– Your weakness: books
– Your fears: nearly everything
– Your perfect pizza: Meat lovers, thin crust
– Goal you’d like to achieve: happiness

LAYER THREE:

– Your most overused phrase on AIM: LOL
– Your first waking thoughts: 5 more mins!
– Your best physical feature: lips
– Your most missed memory: Christmas with my Memom

LAYER FOUR:

– Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper
– McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonalds
– Single or group dates: Single
– Adidas or Nike: Nike
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither
– Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
– Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

LAYER FIVE:

– Smoke: Only when stressed or drunk.
– Cuss: Fuck yeah!
– Sing: Often
– Take a shower everyday: Duh!
– Do you think you’ve been in love: Yes
– Liked high school: Not hardly
– Want to get married: *shrug*
– Believe in yourself: No
– Get motion sickness: No
– Think you’re attractive: No
– Think you’re a health freak: not unless cheetos have become like broccoli
– Get along with your parent(s): Yes
– Like thunderstorms: Yes
– Play an instrument: use to play sax

LAYER SIX:
In the past month…

– Drank alcohol: Yes
– Smoked: Yes
– Done a drug: Does Wellbutrin count?
– Made Out: No
– Gone on a date: No Comment
– Gone to the mall?: Yes
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No.
– Eaten sushi: Yes
– Been on stage: No
– Been dumped: No
– Gone skating: No
– Made homemade cookies: No
– Gone skinny dipping: *shudder*
– Dyed your hair: No
– Stolen Anything: No
– You sound boring: Join the club.

LAYER SEVEN

Ever…

– Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
– If so, was it mixed company: Yes
– Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
– Been caught “doing something": Yes
– Been called a tease: Yes
– Gotten beaten up: Nope.
– Shoplifted: Yes
– Changed who you were to fit in: No

LAYER EIGHT:

– Age you hope to be married: what am I? 12??
– Numbers and Names of Children: I don’t have children
– Describe your Dream Wedding: With a man.
– How do you want to die: umm...the least painful the better.
– Where you want to go to college: Too late for that answer
– What do you want to be when you grow up: Who said I was going to grow up?
– What country would you most like to visit: all of them

LAYER NINE:

– Number of drugs taken illegally: 1
– Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
– Number of CDs that I own: 200 or more
– Number of piercing: one in each ear
– Number of tattoos: 4
– Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: 3 or 4
– Number of scars on my body: 1
– Number of things in my past that I regret: Fuck regrets.

Short Attention Span Blogging

Yes, again.

• Mom got to come home today. Just in time for her birthday.
• How can I convince my family to not exchange gifts at Christmas? I mean, yes, I would still expect gifts but why do I have to go out and buy gifts for other people?? ;)
• I spent nearly $200 at Bath and Body Works last night. About 30% was on stuff for ME!
• I must add Henri Bendel fragrance Wild Fig from Bath and Body Works to my favorite things list. Good GAWD I love that stuff and good GAWD it's expensive!!
• Some guy on Yahoo IM'd me the other day who lives in my area. He's looking for a friend of the female variety to help him dress up as a woman and have sex with him. Umm....*shudder*
• Oh, I turned him down.
• I realized this weekend that I'm constantly doing for other people to the point where I rarely have time for me. I'm getting sick of it but see no end to it.
• I want an iPod but I have no idea why. Besides mp3s what is it good for? And can I d/l any mp3s or do I have to get them from iTunes?

And today's song in my head is....

Groove Is In The Heart. It's De-lovely and Delicious.

Join me in my hell, why don't you?

That's No Way To Mosh

I was shocked by the murder of Dimebag Darrell, formerly of Pantera and currently of DamagePlan.

Back in my college days when Pantera were playing clubs around Houston, we'd haul our drunk asses to see them nearly every weekend.
I even met Dimebag once. I wish I had a great story to tell you about this encounter but I was...umm...quite inebriated. :(

Michele has a great post with lots of links about his death.

shamelessly stolen from Sheila.

Short Attention Span Blogging

I don't have whole thoughts...just tidbits.

• Mom is making slow progress. The doctor told her Friday is the earliest she would consider releasing her. She is feeling better, however.
• Mom had a roommate for one night. The roommate was asleep and facing us when we first got there Monday night. I thought she looked beautiful and I said several times, "Isn't she just angelic?". However, in the bright light of day.....not so much. It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates the Two-Face.
• I am in NO way ready for Christmas. I've only purchased one gift and it was only because I had to buy it for a Christmas party on Monday.
• I'm calling in sick for Christmas dinner. I just can't handle my family this year. I'm sure I'm still expected to send gifts!
• My new mattress set is too high. My dogs can't jump up there. I've put a stool on the side of the bed for them to jump on and then jump on the bed and two of them, Crash and Piper, picked it right up. Zoe, on the other hand, is having a hard time getting it. She finally gave up and sleeps on her big dog bed on the floor.
• I am LOVING my new bed! I got all new bedding too. This time I went with pink and red. I have a solid pink comforter, bed skirt and shams with red 400 thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets and red throw pillows. I think it looks awesome.
• The new bedding arrived Monday afternoon. I didn't get home until 2 am and I couldn't keep myself from putting it all on the bed when I got home. I slipped into my new sheets around 5 am. I'm tired.
• I am sick, too. :(
• I love reading Jay at Perspicuous Musings.
• Someone I care about has the flu. I hope you feel better soon!

Jeeeeeeezus!!

How much shit is a person expected to deal with in a century?

After everything my mom has been through this year she's going through some bad stuff right now.
She's been feeling bad for a while now and we attributed it to the fact that she lost my dad over the summer and the holidays are here and it's a tough time.

Well...long story short, her blood sugar is in the coma zone and she's got blood clots in both legs. She's got a severe history of DVT so we've been through this before but it's always very scary.

I had to do my civic duty today (Monday) and report to jury duty. I did and I was put on call and sent home. Now, I have to call everynight to see if I have to come in and serve on a jury.

One the bright side, I got a new mattress set delivered on Sunday. I've slept on a full size bed nearly my whole life but I've moved up to a queen. It's quite lovely but now I'm trying to figure why I just dropped all this money on a mattress when I'm a raging insomniac..

Funny story from jury duty.
At the beginning of the process, the judge gives everyone an opportunity to come up and discuss why they can't serve jury duty and she will either dismiss them or tell them to get fucked have a seat.
About 15 people ran to the front to plead their cases. One of them was an older man, probably in his late 60s. I was in the back of the courtroom but I heard every word:

Old Guy: [yelling] I am hard of hearing. I don't think I can serve on a jury.
Judge: Ok. You're dismissed.
Old Guy: Huh?
Judge: [louder] You are dismissed!
Old Guy: Come again?
Judge: [yelling] YOU CAN GO!!!!

For some reason I was the only one in that courtroom giggling.

It's All About De's Quote of the Day

No noble, well-grown tree has ever disowned its dark roots. - Carl Jung

This probably won't become a daily thing because I'm sure I'll forget by tomorrow.
Feel free to discuss...or whatever.

I'm a Sexual Intellectual

I think I've become a fucking know-it-all to my family and people at work.
They view the internet as a sparkling new invention and react to it with a child-like amazement. I, on the other hand, am a veteran of the 'net and I'm jaded, as if I've seen it all.
That is why I usually delete forwarded email jokes and chain letters that come from my mother, sisters, aunts and uncles before I even read them because I've read them before...years ago.
Every so often I get an email telling me not to buy coffee from Starbucks because they refused to send coffee to soldiers overseas or an email begging me not to shop at Neiman Marcus because they sold some unwitting fool a cookie recipe for an unbelievable sum or other ridiculous claims that I usually don't believe. Hell, I rarely believe anything I read on the Internet (including this blog).
Lately, I've been going to Snopes to prove to the email senders that the shit they are sending me is bogus. I also send it to all of their recipients.
Am I doing this to educate the world or am I doing it to prove that I'm smarter than they are?
Possibly the latter because when your self-esteem is shit, it's important to let the world know how freaking smart you may or may not be.

Do Your Duty: VOTE

It's the 2004 Weblog Awards!

No, I'm not bitter because I wasn't nominated.
Not.
Bitter.
At.
All.

Hey Kids, We're #1

'Blog' No. 1 word of the year

A four-letter term that came to symbolize the difference between old and new media during this year's presidential campaign tops U.S. dictionary publisher Merriam-Webster's list of the 10 words of the year.

Merriam-Webster Inc. said on Tuesday that blog, defined as "a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments and often hyperlinks," was one of the most looked-up words on its Internet sites this year.

Did you also know that the word 'gullible' isn't even in the dictionary?

Screw Jenny Craig...

I'm going to Zimbabwe!

ZIMBABWE has come up with a bizarre proposal to solve the food crisis threatening half its population with starvation. It wants to bring in obese tourists from overseas so that they can shed pounds doing manual labour on land seized from white farmers.

I'm not sure how this will help Zimbabwe. Maybe they are hoping the fat people will smuggle in enough Ring Dings and Cheetos to feed the rest of the country.

link shamelessly stolen from Sheila

It's Time to Rise Up Against The Establishment.....

..and fight The Man.

So a few months ago my favorite classical station, KRTS (K-Arts) was turned into an 80's music station.
I was crushed. There were only two classical stations in Houston and the other one is Houston Public Radio which broadcasts NPR half of the day.
So gone was Johnny Renfro's Swinging Sundays, the whole musical scores on Weds or Thurs and the classical music I loved to listen to at night while I slept.
About two weeks later, it was no longer an 80s station. It was Spanish.
Yeah, we only have about 16 Spanish stations in Houston. That's ok, though. I'm glad we have that kind of diversity but did we need ANOTHER one?

So, I learned to live with it. Not happily, mind you, but life goes on.

Now, a rock station, KLOL, which has been around for 34 years has changed formats. To what, you ask?
I'm sure you can guess: Spanish

What the hell?? So now we need 18 Spanish stations?

Let's get the rundown here as far as I can see it.
We have one "alternative" music station.
We have a "mix" station.
We have a top 40 station.
We have a classic rock station.
We have a easy listening station.
We have an 70s, 80s & 90s station.
We have a smooth jazz station.
A couple of R&B stations
A couple or Hip Hop stations
Two country stations.
One part time classical station
And 18 Spanish stations (and that's just on FM)

It's hardly fair. I'm not the only one that feels this way. There is a website out there: Bring Back KLOL.
I doubt very seriously Clear Channel will give a shit about a bunch of petitions but it's nice to see someone trying to fight back.

Now, if I can only get some nerds together to get KRTS back on the air.