I'm bored. So, that means you're stuck getting one of these random, stupid
emails. Trust me, nothing too deep today. It's hard to be "deep" when all
you can think about is, "If what they say is true, that black makes you look
thinner, what's the deal with that Fat Albert guy?"

Yesterday a friend of mine (and by "friend" I mean "chauffeur", and by
"chauffeur" I mean "cab driver", and by "cab driver" I mean "high dollar call
girl", and by "high dollar call girl" I mean "tall chick at Wendy's that
told me when I asked her out 'Sorry, hon, you gotta be THIS tall to ride
THIS ride") expressed to me in these exact words, "I couldn't give a rat's
ass!" And it got me to thinking...

Are there people out there that are actually giving a rat's ass? Who are
these people that are just giving away all these asses of rat's?! And, why?
Are there people out there that maybe don't have enough rat's asses? Is
there a shortage of rat's asses? I haven't seen anything on a decernable
decline of vermin hindparts in the news. Famine in Rwanda: Yes. America's
Increasing Need of More Rat's Asses: No.

But, then it also got me to thinking...

What's with all the people that "couldn't give a shit?" And, what's with
their need to tell us that they "couldn't give a shit?" Trust me, I don't
really care if you "couldn't give a shit" but I DO want to know if you're
about to "give a shit." That, I want warning about! Cause then I'll know
that maybe it's time that maybe I should leave, and possibly pick up some
matches and some Febreeze. Also, I think it's a good chance that these
people who "couldn't give a shit" should eat more bran and drink more
coffee. Just a thought.

I also think it'd be a cool idea if some town changed it name to Sin... as
in Sin, North Carolina, or Sin, Utah. That way when I told my mom that I was
"living in Sin" she'd always wonder if I had moved, or if I had found a
girlfriend, or, maybe, making a plainly obvious oberservation.

Also, and this is serious (and not in the "serious" as in "what I tell girls
so they will sleep with me" sense, but more like the "serious" as in "here,
sign this pre-nup" sense) ... does anyone know where we got the term
"missing you?" I don't. I'd kinda like to know. Which kinda got me to
thinking...

I might change what I say to people who I haven't seen in a while from
"missing you" to "finding you." I think I like it better. Think about it.
When you say you're "missing" something all you are really doing is
acknowledging that it's not there, that you notice it's abscence. But, when
you say you are "finding" something you are saying that not only do you
notice that it's gone, but that you are making a conscience effort to get it
back, to hold onto it. If you were to tell someone "I am finding you" what
you would be telling them was "You're not here, right now. I can see that.
And I don't like it. And, what's more, I am going to make sure that you're
found, that I can be with you because you matter that much to me." To me,
that sounds much sweeter... and, as we all know from the court documents...
me=major sweetheart.

Anyway, hope you are all well. I know it's the Holiday Season so I am
wishing you a happy and warm one. May it be filled with all the rat's asses
that you may find yourself in need of, and, much, much more!

I am finding most of you. Some, I just miss.