Mark's Ass From a Hole In The Ground II

He's Back!

Maybe it's like my sex life, and by that I mean, maybe it's just me... but
doesn't it seem odd that if the girl likes you it's considered "looking out
for the ones you love", but if she doesn't like you it's considered
"stalking?" I'll never fully get that, or why I have to wear this leg
braclet.

In totally unrelated news... it turns out that there's a fine line between
"President of a Fan Club" and "Defendant." Apparently, it's okay to write
hundreds of letters to Jennifer Love Hewitt's manager requesting a photo,
but you make the one time mistake, yeah... ONE TIME mistake of writing that
same exact letter in goat's blood, and *bam* they come down harder on you
than Pamela Anderson on X at a biker rally. Also, this is very important,
kids... if you're writing letters to your favorite celeb... be very, very
careful how you phrase, "I would like a headshot." One word=good. Two
words=restraining order.

I was thinking... if it's considered such a bad thing to get... why do they
call it The Clap? In almost every other situation getting "the clap" would
be considered a good thing. I'll illustrate:
You: "I won the Superbowl." They: Clap "You're awesome!"
You: "I discovered the cure for cancer." They: Clap "I want my son to turn
out just like you!"
You: "I went on Spring Break and got wasted on keg stands, beer bongs, and
jello shots. Then I had hot monkey sex with a sophmore cheerleader from the
New Jersey College of Refridgerator Repair." Doctor: "Clap" They: "Don't
touch me."
I would also like to point out that if they call it "the clap" then the year
I went to Cabo San Lucas and ended up at that Mexican "Street Walkers" Run
For The Cure... I came home with a "standing ovation!" Ah... I miss Bible
College.

I've given up on looking for human intelligence. I have. And I'll tell you
why. Not too far from the studio there's a school for blind children. The
studio is located on a somewhat busy corner with little shopping botiques
and convienence stores within walking distance. So, in an effort to
accomodate the needs of the handicap, the fine city of Charlotte has
installed talking "walk" signs at the crosswalks to count down the seconds
before the lights change. It's a thoughtful and nice gesture. But here's
where it makes me want to ask God, "Why don't You just scrap this whole deal
and start over?" The talking signs only talk at NIGHT! That's right, NIGHT!
That means that someone, probably an elected official from the city,
actually thought to him or her self, "You know... those blind kids are sure
gonna have a hard time seeing oncoming traffic at night! I better put
something up that helps them!" I don't get it. Seriously, anyone who knows
anything about blind people knows they can't hear at night! I know this is
horrible... but there's this really sick part of me that thinks it would be
funny to stand out on that corner during the day and yell out the wrong
time. "The lights changing in 15 sec... no, wait, make that 5 sec... oops...
damn it, run kid, run!" I hope I like Hell.

Well, that's all for now. You Guys & Gals have a nice day. I am finding you
all.

Mark