Da Shit Done Broke
I am aware that most of my images are not working. The hosting site took a huge nosedive but it should be up again very soon.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Dude! Your mom is cool!
Marc at Quit That! has an awesome mother.
His mother answers a bone-head article written by a Catholic Nun.
Go read it!
Call Me!
I was thinking about signing up at the National Do Not Call Registry to get rid of those annoying telemarketing calls but hell, without telemarketers, I wouldn't get ANY calls!
Actually, that's not true. My phone number is one digit off of the local Hollywood Video. These people are fucking amazing! They will call my number and get my voice mail. My voice mail says, "Hi this is ME. Please leave a message."
I've had more people than I can count LEAVE A MESSAGE asking if I had --insert movie title here-- in stock.
Are these people retarded?
Then when I am home and answer the phone:
Me: Hello?
Idiot: Uh, yeah, do you have --insert video game title here-- in stock?
Me: Sure, we'll put it on hold for you. Bye.
Idiot: Umm, hey, don't you need my name?
Me: No, Sir/Ma'am. We know who you are.
I've done that so many times that it has become boring.
Oh yeah, we really should have minded our own business.
I ran across this little article. I'm sure the protesters were right, though. If we would have ONLY given Saddam more time he would have stopped killing and torturing everyone in sight. I mean, eventually, he would have stopped......after he murdered EVERYONE.
Guilty is as guilty does
Not only is she guilty, she's going bye-bye for a long time.
A jury sentenced Chante Mallard to 50 years in jail Friday for hitting a homeless man with her car and leaving him to die in her windshield.
In case you haven't noticed....
I'm a HUGE nerd! I get all geeked out over the smallest things.
Wil Wheaton is on a road trip and he's been posting via audio blog while he's on the road. It's so cool listening to him describe everything and his excitement at throwing out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game was so cute!
No wonder!
Gay sex is finally legal. Thank God! Now, all the homosexuals that were abstaining can go get their groove on.
It's no wonder Texas wouldn't legalize gay marriages. How can you allow someone to get married when the consummation will land your ass (pun intended) in jail??
Let's all have some anal sex to celebrate this glorious news!
God wasn't her co-pilot
The "windshield killer" was convicted today.
A jury took less than an hour Thursday to convict a former nurse's aide of murder for hitting a homeless man with her car, driving home with his mangled body jammed in the windshield and leaving him to die in her garage.
The way I understand it, he was jammed head first into her windshield with his legs danglings over the hood. That would mean that his head was INSIDE of her car. So, she drove all the way home with his head right next to her. Can you picture this? How can you drive with someone stuck in your windshield?? Did she talk to him while she drove? What do you say to someone you just hit and are now driving home with you? I mean, you have to talk. The silence would be WAY too uncomfortable.
Anyway, I hope she gets a life sentence. I know hitting him was an accident but letting him suffer and die is reprehensible.
Is being a whiny gasbag a prerequisite to being a Democrat?
I thought this story was interesting. There is a reason why the Reps are the majority. Because that's the way WE wanted it.
Other Stuff
I had a busy day today. I had 2 things to do which is 2 more than usual. First, was a meeting/interview with the office manager of a large medical type facility. I've known her for years yet have only spoken to her on the phone. The office where I've worked off and on for 8 yrs or so had a lot of dealings with this particular facility. Anyway, I called to let her know I had been laid off and was looking for work and she was really interested in me, given my vast experience in this field.
It was a little strange because she said they didn't have any openings at the moment yet she was very enthusiastic about seeing me, so I'm thinking maybe she knows of an opening (maybe a firing) that will be coming soon but isn't at liberty to speak of it just yet. I don't know but DAMN. I hope it comes soon....VERY SOON.
So, umm...I'm not all religious n shit so I won't ask you to pray but I believe in the power of positive thinking and vibes and karma and all that stuff so if you could send a positive thought my way, maybe they'll add up and whoever is keeping score will help me get this job.
The other thing I had to do was to help my friend and her husband register a couple of domains for their new businesses. They are completely clueless about anything other than email and surfing the net.
One would think this would be a simple task but OH NO, it was a little frustrating and VERY entertaining.
It's fun to watch the husband/wife dynamic when they both think the other person is dumber than dirt.
She called him "Idiot!" more times than I could count.
They didn't seem to understand how frickin huge the internet is and how everybody and their dog (literally) have their own websites. When they couldn't get the domain they wanted with a ".com" extention, they would get so upset and say "How could someone else have that???" Plus their computer was so old with only about 32 megs of RAM so I leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling while the pages loaded a LOT.
Oh well, I got a free dinner out of it, so it wasn't all bad.
When you're unemployed, free food is like GOLD!
On the subject of my friend and her husband....
Hanging out with them reminds me how awesome M. is. Love and respect is extremely important for a lasting relationship. How can you love someone when you lose respect for them? Anyway, M and I have that. I am grateful for him.
Who needs a government?
So umm...are people going to vote for this guy?
Dick Gephardt says, "When I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme Court does tomorrow or any other day".
If so, I guess I can understand how dictators slip into office...
It's sort of like Iran.
My Iranian friend tells me about their President who is quite intelligent and benevolent and I got confused for a moment and said "I thought he was a religious dictator?"
He says, "No, no, no. That's our Leader."
Ohhh...so your Leader is not nice but your President is nice. How does that work?
President: Hey, let's let our people be free and stuff.
Leader: Hey, let's not.
The End.
Out with the new...
back in with the old. I LOVE LOVE LOVED the other girly look but I just couldn't get it to work right and I finally said "fuck it". I mean really, I should be out begging people for a job rather than sitting here trying to tweak a fucking blog. Sheesh!
It's all about The Tuna, baby!
A quarterback controversy in the NFL??? You don't say!
I was seeing a bit (and I DO mean a bit) of an improvement in Carter. I haven't been watching any training this summer because of the fucking Texans. See, I live in the Houston area and before the Texans, it was all about the 'Boys but now, it's like all they see are the stupid ass Texans. I don't have cable so I rely on the local free stations to provide me with sports information, so you can imagine how biased it is.
Anyhoo, I can't wait until football season. God, I love football season! There are only two reasons why I would want cable: FoodTV and all the various sports channels; then I could watch ALL the games on Sundays!
Man, I was just thinking. It's going to be so weird not seeing Emmitt Smith with the Cowboys this year. I really really like Emmitt. I read his book, The Emmitt Zone, and grew to really respect and genuinely like him.
I miss the old days...you know those days....when Dallas was America's team. When my boys, Aikman, Smith, Irvin, Harper, Newton and the baddest mofo Charles Haley, were playing every Sunday.
Thank God for bottled water!
I'm convinced there is something in the tap water here in Texas!
This whackjob is one of many reasons why I think there is something wrong here in Texas. We have some crazy-ass women doing some crazy-ass shit!
Jurors saw pictures of the twisted, bruised and bloody body of a homeless man Monday as a former nurse's aide went on trial on charges she hit him with her car, drove home with his body lodged grotesquely in the windshield and left him to die in her garage.
This is a ghastly, grim, grisly, gruesome, heinous crime but I can't help but get a mental picture of some dude hanging out of windshield and some hysterical bitch speeding down the highway. I'm totally going to hell for giggling.
The Usual Suspects
Following is the list of Democratic Candidates:
Ambassador Carol Moseley Braun
Governor Howard Dean
Senator John Edwards
Congressman Dick Gephardt
Senator Bob Graham
Senator John Kerry
Congressman Dennis Kucinich
Senator Joe Lieberman
Reverend Al Sharpton
Following is the list of Democratic Candidate losers:
Ambassador Carol Moseley Braun
Governor Howard Dean
Senator John Edwards
Congressman Dick Gephardt
Senator Bob Graham
Senator John Kerry
Congressman Dennis Kucinich
Senator Joe Lieberman
Reverend Al Sharpton
Coincidence? I think not.
Odor Update:
It seems the mysterious odor has gone. I know you were worried about it.
Out with the Old....
Do we like the new? It's all girly n stuff but umm...I'm kinda girly.
You can let me know if you hate it...It won't hurt my feelings. I got this template from Blogskins.
Hide N Seek Weapons of Mass Destruction
There was a tiny little story deep inside the newspaper about how the US is still looking for Saddam. They are following leads according to the newly snatched Abid Hamid Mahmud al-Tikriti's (Saddam's right hand man) claim that Saddam and his uber-evil spawn survived and fled to Syria only to have to return to Iraq.
It's important to people that Saddam is dead. The Iraqi people, it seems, are afraid to trust that Saddam is gone.
I don't know, I feel like some of these people are freakin thankless. They have this unbelievable chance to bring their country back to what it use to be before Saddam and all they want to do is criticize the "dirty Americans" who they say are "occupying" their country.
Shit, I bet those so-called dirty Americans can't wait to get the hell out of Iraq. I'm sure it's no fun building new schools for the kids as they throw rocks at you while you're doing it.
Then there are these Dimocrats who are complaining that WMD were never found. Umm...just because we can't find them doesn't mean they weren't there. But have they forgotten everything we DID find in Iraq? The torture rooms? The mass graves? The dead women and children -his own people- poisoned by gases? The hiding places of Al-Qaeda members?
I'm convinced that the Middle East is a lost cause. Peace is impossible because they don't believe in "Live and let live". We've pretty much got it down pat in the States. We, for the most part, are tolerant of differences in our neighbors. I, personally, don't care what religion my friends practice or if they practice at all. I respect everyone's right to believe in what they choose. That's not how it is in the middle east. It's all about the Jihad baby. It always will be.
We've used our forces and the lives of our own people to pull these people from the clutches of evil and I am afraid it'll all be for naught. There will be another religious dictator or greedy oil monger to take advantage of these people. There will be a million different sects of that country's particular religion who can't live amongst each other.
So, what shall we do? Ignore them? Hell no. Can't be done. We ignored people before and then Pearl Harbor became a household name.
These hemp-wearing, Rainbow-naming hippies who sing about "peace this" and "peace that: seem to forget that peace has a price. We are where we are because we had to fight for it. We've always had to fight and we always will when there are other people who want to take what we have.
WMD or not, I'm glad we went in there and did what we did and I'm SOOOOOO sick of the liberal media bitch and moan about the fact that these things were not found.
See, it's so apparent to me that the Dims are using this to cast doubt and blame on the Bush administration because they want to pave the way for whatever shit for brains they can nominate for the Dim candidacy. However, a lot of people believe what they are told. An acquaintance who was all pro-Bush and pro-War a few months ago said in his redneck accent, "Boy, ole Dubya better come up with some o' dem weapons or I might haveta vote for summonelse." Yeah right, fucktard, like you even got out of your trailer to vote last time. Give me a break. I don't know what's worse...stupid people voting or people not voting at all.
Move Over Gettysburg Address
If you blog, read this.
We are not required to be fair. We are not required to censor ourselves if we don't want to. We can be as biased, one-sided, narcissistic and emotional (and creative) as we need to be, and we don't have to apologize or explain ourselves for any of it. And if we do (apologize or explain) it's because we want to.
Yay!
Something's Rotten In Denmark
Something stinks, man. I walked into my house today and I smelled it. Rotten. Stench. Ick.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an obsessive compulsive freak when it comes to odors. I have a nose like a bloodhound and can track scents for miles.
Anyway, I cleaned Hemingway's litterbox. No luck. Still stinky.
I cleaned all old food out of the fridge. Still icky.
I ran hot water and kitchen cleaner through the garbage disposal. Nope.
Took out the trash and cleaned out the trashcan. No dice.
I checked everything I can think of and still can't find the origin of the offending odor.
Hell, it's probably something old in the neighbor's fridge but SuperSchnoz over here is tearing her place apart looking for the smell. If I keep smelling this odor, I swear I'm going over there to clean out her kitchen tomorrow! Won't she be surprised?
Crest Whitestrip Update:
After some umm..drama, I've managed to get the strip on my teeth and keep it on without anymore disasters (that includes sneezing).
It's hard to tell if my teeth are any whiter. However, I've only been doing this for a week.
I'll get back to ya in a few more weeks.
Doggone it
Once again, dear Reader, I have awoke to a slimey, half chewed rawhide bone on my pillow.
WHY? WHY? Crash puts it on my pillow yet sleeps elsewhere. Why can't he keep it by him? Because he thinks I can protect it from the evil cat, Hemingway or the other two dogs.
I finished Jane Eyre at about 4:30 am. You know why it took me so long to read this book when normally it takes just a few days? Because Charlotte Bronte loved to see herself talk. This chick took three pages to describe a bird in a tree or the smile of her lover. Keeeyrist! It wasn't all bad though. It was a tough read because of the vernacular of the day but now I see where Victoria Holt got all her storylines.
Just Married
I hope this marriage doesn't need to be consummated!
A 9-year-old girl was married to a stray dog in a ceremony attended by more than 100 guests in a village in India's eastern state of Bengal as part of a ritual intended to ward off a bad omen, newspapers reported Thursday.
Actually, there have been single moments in my life where I wished I could marry my dogs (sans consummation of course! ick!). They've treated me better than some boyfriends (present one not included *mwah*).
Land of a thousand erections
A Florida congressman sees nothing natural in a nudist camp for kids. The week-long camp is for children eleven to 18.
Now, teen-aged boys have a hard time keeping the "little man" down when they're around CLOTHED women. Can you imagine a camp full of...umm...wood?
Is it animated or not?
I'm not all excited to see The Hulk. When I saw the first trailer last year, I thought it would be cool. Now that I've seen actual clips from the movie, it looks like a freakin cartoon.
At least with the television show, the Hulk was just another dude with green paint but this movie Hulk is nothing more than Bugs Bunny on acid.
It's like they didn't even TRY to make him look real.
So, whatever. I guess I won't be going to see it unless my nephew drags me, like he did for Spiderman and Scooby Doo.
He's so funny. He's 13 now but when the first Harry Potter movie came out we were both excited because we had both been reading the books. We couldn't WAIT to go see the movie and on the night it opened, we were standing in line.
We got there early enough to get a good seat, you know, the seat on the front row of the stadium-type theater. Those seats are cool because there is a rail in front of you and you can prop your feet up on it.
We went through all the coming attractions and just ask the first credits were coming up on the screen, Michael leaned over to me and whispered, "I'm so excited, I have butterflies!"
How sweet is that?
I'm glad it was dark in the theater because I nearly cried.
malentendu
A friend of mine read my blog entry below containing my conversation with the french dude and said, "Everyone is entitled to their opinion."
I realized then that he didn't get it and other people might possibly have the same problem.
Here is the deal: I didn't know this guy. He found my profile on Yahoo that not only said I was an American but I was from Texas. He took it upon himself, for some reason, to IM me. Without knowing me and knowing my politics, he says things about my President. Even if our President was Clinton, I probably would have taken offence to it because this guy is FRENCH for God sake! I would think if someone from France wanted to befriend an American the first thing he would do is beg me not to think he was a fucking coward and a filthy french pig, not make snide remarks about Bush when their President is Jacques Chirac!
So, that's my explanation. (Even though I feel I didn't need one!)
It's National Heckling Day
and my comments are down....coincidence????
French Fried Bullshit
Some dipshit from France found me on Yahoo and proceeded to msg me.
I'm usually a nice person and enjoy chatting with people from different walks of life. I've been chatting with a friend from Iran for over a year now.
So, I start out being friendly...
(oh yeah, jinxde is me)
mick***: hello
jinx: hello
mick***: strange name, by the way
mick***: jinx...
jinx: it's strange?
mick***: original
jinx: ok
mick***: so... you like voltaire ?
jinx: yes
mick***: really ?
jinx: I enjoy his work
mick***: you know it well ?
jinx: some of it
mick***: is it useful for IT ? ;)
jinx: not at all :)
mick***: that's what i thought !
jinx: lol
mick***: where are you in Texas ?
jinx: Houston
jinx: where are you?
mick***: Lyon, France
jinx: ahh ok
mick***: it explains the "strange" english !
jinx: my english is strange?
mick***: no, mine ! lol
jinx: oh
jinx: I don't think so
mick***: so, i see that you are writing ?
jinx: where do you see that?
mick***: what type of book ? voltairian ? :)
mick***: your profile
jinx: ohh
jinx: umm....I am not writing any one thing in particular
mick***: be cool, i do not work for secret service...
mick***: W is not my friend !
mick***: :p
mick***: i hope i didn't shock you, as a Texas girl !
mick***: a texanian ?
mick***: what is the word ?
jinx: you're pretty brave making comments about our President to not only an American but a Texan
jinx: :)
mick***: well, ok, i admit :
mick***: i am brave ! :D
mick***: because you like him ?
jinx: yes I do
mick***: because he's from Texas or...
jinx: because he is a good president
mick***: it can be a good reason too !
mick***: ... but with another president ! :p
jinx: goodbye
mick***: oh i see !
mick***: you don't like French humour ?
mick***: but come on ! a president is not a God !
mick***: just a man
jinx: I never said he was
mick***: and you can have an opinion
jinx: you can, but I don't know you and didn't ask for yours
mick***: sorry for that then
jinx: There is a saying that you might want to look up..."People in who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"
mick***: nice one
mick***: but don't see the relation
jinx: that means..when your President gets his head out of his ass and stops being a flaming weasel, you can start talking about MY President. Until then, go lay on your back in the middle of the street so you can submit to the next threat aimed at your country that WE will have to bail you out of.
Strangely enough, he didn't respond. I wonder why?
***name changed to protect the assholes
Ever heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face?
Ipse Dixit has it here:
You probably didn't it in the media accounts but the redistricting bill the Texas GOP wanted to pass last month was intentionally designed to create more minority-majority districts, increasing the representation of blacks and Hispanics in the Congress. So the state Democrats' walkout last month "killed a plan that would have added a black Congressional district and several Hispanic districts. Killing the plan did manage to preserve all the Dems' white districts, though." Oops!
Of COURSE we didn't hear about THAT in the media. We did hear about how horrible the Republicans were for sending the Texas Rangers after these runaway Dems. We did hear about how these guys were standing up for what they believe in.
But we didn't hear about how they were sabotaging their own efforts. Or WERE they? Are the Dems as "liberal" as they seem?
Quote of the Week:
"...I've always said that people with genitals on the outside are hiding something on the inside." --Karen Walker
Nothing to weep but tears,Nothing to bury but dead.
My great aunt Dorene died June 11. Her funeral was today. She was the last living sibling of my late grandfather (my mother's father).
I hadn't seen her since I was about 14 but it's a sad thought to know that so many will miss her and all those Jones kids are gone.
I guess if you're a funeral type of person you'd think it was a wonderful tribute to a wonderful person. I, however, thought it was horrible.
I hate funerals, not just because they are sad but because they are insincere and disgusting false displays of emotion.
I hate everything about traditional funerals. I don't understand the need to embalm a body that'll never be used again and then put it in a casket nicer than most people's home, then seal it in a vault and put it into the ground.
I do believe in everyone's right to do as they wish when they die but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. These days a nice funeral costs close to $10,000 and I think it's ridiculous.
The funeral today was officiated by a pastor who never knew Aunt Dorene and it was apparent. He spoke of her in general terms and mostly just quoted the Bible. Then, God help me, he SANG. I don't know why people think we need to hear them sing at funerals. Especially when they suck.
Anyway, this funeral wasn't beautiful or moving and I didn't feel like I had come there to say goodbye. I can do that sitting right here because wherever she might be now, she ISN'T in that casket.
I was about to jump out of my skin during the whole thing and finally when it ended I whispered to my mom,
"If you do this to me when I die, I will come back and haunt you. I don't mean a good haunt either. I'll flatten your tires and sabotage your internet connection!"
Of course, Mom says not to even bother her with that because she'll go long before me but ya never know!
When I die, I want to be cremated. I heard some time back about a company that would take your loved ones ashes and make a diamond out of it. I was picturing someone with diamond earrings, showing them off saying "Hey, meet my mother."
I googled it and can't find anything about cremated diamonds but I KNOW I heard it.
Anyhoo...I want to be cremated but haven't decided where I want my ashes scattered. I want there to be a party, not a funeral service and I want people to tell funny stories and laugh. Oh and I want lots of food there too. Food and Asti, LOTS of Asti. Then I pictured my ashes being stored in an Isabella Fiore , Icon, or Judith Leiber handbag.
I don't want people crying and wailing over me. I don't need my body to be preserved and I definitely don't want people looking at it all made up looking like plastic.
I want people to have fun at my "funeral". I'd like a eulogy, however. I want someone to lie and make up a bunch of shit I've accomplished in my life. I want everyone to "ooh" and "ahh" and raise their glasses of Asti in my memory.
Puppy Love
I was looking at a blog today (which I've added to my blogroll) and was reading about this persons dogs and their antics. I suddenly realized that I don't blog about my dogs much which is a crying shame because I LOVE these dogs and they make me smile every single day.
Zoe and Crash were a mutual purchase when I was living with an exboyfriend. It's a long story of how we decided on the Bichon Frise breed but Zoe and Crash became the center of our universes VERY quickly.
After a few years we decided to breed them and had a 6 puppy litter of Bichons. We kept two from that litter so our family grew to 4 and we were all so very happy. That is until Mommy and Daddy split up and split the doggies up. Zoe and Crash went with me and Chase and Maveryck went with him. (I get to see them often though)
I am not having kids so these dogs are my kids. Piper was added to the family a little over a year ago and she fits like a glove.
Every big decision I make in my life, I think of my dogs first and how this will affect them. I don't like leaving them home alone for very long so my parents babysit while I'm at work or when I'm gone for more than a couple of hours.
My parents spoil them rotten too. My dad will hold Crash in his arms like a baby and literally rock him in his chair.
Crash cries like a baby if you aren't petting him while you hold him and he LOVES his Mama!
Zoe is blind now but she gets around just fine. She has separation anxiety and the longer I stay home with them, the worse it gets.
I don't date guys who don't like my dogs or whom my dogs don't like.
Thankfully, M. LOVES my dogs and let me tell you, they LOVE him! Zoe won't leave him alone when he's here and he was the ONLY one outside of myself and my mother that Piper first warmed to. He totally puts up with all of their idiosyncrasies and has never complained having to share my double bed with them, even when Crash is laying across his head, Zoe on his legs so he can't move and Piper under the covers down at the foot of the bed.
So, that's the story of my dogs. They are super important to me and I'd go without (and have) so they can eat and have their treats.
I'll have to remember to post about some of their antics in the future. They are funnier than hell and bring so much joy to my life!
I love all my visitors but this one is my favorite...
My blog visitor arriving through AOL search term: "80 yr old woman fucks young boy of 35"
So...are you an old lady into young dudes? Or are you a young dude into old ladies?
It's official: I'm a retard
I just realized tonight that I am one of those stupid asses that believe advertisers. I've been watching those Crest White Strips commercials and wanting them for months, so I asked for them for my birthday and got them!
Tonight I decide to try them out and I've been thinking about the commercials of the attractive woman shopping on what looks like Rodeo Drive and she sees her reflection in the window so she whips out the strips and smoothly puts them on her teeth.
I'm here to tell ya it doesn't work like that. It doesn't really stick to your teeth as well as you think, you have to really work on it. Then because you have these gel-slicked plastic things on your teeth, your mouth fills up with saliva. It's like you're going to choke on your own spit! I'm afraid to swallow, so I'm walking around with my head tilted up so I don't drool all over myself.
After 30 mins I can take this thing off my teeth and the directions say to wipe or rinse the gel off your teeth. I chose to rinse and spit. When I spit I am reminded of a Bill Cosby comedy piece where he is at the denist's office and is given a novacaine shot and he has no control over his lips. He spits but there is this long string of slob going from his lip to the cup. The gel is so thick I have this same string and I don't want to touch it so for a few seconds I watch as the bathroom lights reflect off of the wet string making pretty rainbows. Finally I get myself all cleaned up and think how dumb I was to think I was going to be like one of those chicks in the ad!
As I'm typing this, I become aware of another warning I should give any future Crest White Strip users....
Try your best not to sneeze while wearing one of these things. I covered my mouth as I sneezed and the top strip shot out into my palm, rendering it useless after only 10 mins.
I wonder how far it would have gone had my hand not been there? I might have invented a new sport. Sneezing for distance!
I don't know if these are going to really whiten my teeth but it'll take some practice to get the fucking things to even stay on my teeth!
Someone took my advice a little too far...
In a previous blog entry I said what a good idea it was to teach your toddler to steal for you but these people are just nuts.
The hunt is on for the parents of a seven-year-old girl left behind after a shoplifting attempt at a Sugar Land Randall's.
Look people, don't leave your kids to take the fall! Sheesh! Have some class.
I'm sort of new to this blogging community and I just got around to reading Frank J's essay. You must read it and then go buy the shirt!
I got this link from Rachel Lucas.
I'm telling you, people falling is FUNNY!
Even though you don't want to see your President taking a face full of dirt, it made me giggle.
Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt....
There is something I'd like to say: Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean it's okay to wear it!
Low rise/hip hugger jeans are NOT for everyone. If you can't get the jeans over your stomach, then DO NOT wear them!
While at the Empire Cafe tonight, I saw a chick with a cropped tee and low-rise jeans sitting on the edge of her chair and her entire pasty white back and rolls of fat were staring at me. When she got up I realized why she was sitting on the edge of the chair; her stomach hung OVER her pants.
She was surrounded by friends and I wondered why no one told her how bad she looked. I'm definitely not no skinny chick but I cover my shit up and so should she!
Anyway, this really isn't about that poor girl. This is about why we as a society are so fat. Houston is one of the fattest cities in the nation and it's no wonder based on what I was served at the Empire Cafe.
We went there for dessert after having Greek food at my favorite place, Niko Niko's. I ordered a slice of the French chocolate cake and almost fell on the floor when she handed me this huge plate decorated with swirls of chocolate icing and a HUMONGOUS wedge of a 4 layer cake. I swear that sucker weighed 2 pounds! I didn't even eat half of it. I also ordered a cafe mocha expecting a little cup of coffee or even a largish mug but I got a tall glass of hot coffee!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Food is good. Food is REAL good but why are we ostracized for being fat when portions are bigger than the plate sometimes?
Anyhoo....I noticed something kinda cool at the cafe tonight.
There was this young dude, very nicely dressed and pretty cute sitting alone at a table lit by a small candle. He was drinking a glass of red wine and...writing in his leather journal.
I loved that! I dig people who write in paper journals, especially in public. I have this nearly uncontrollable urge to read what they are writing. I just want to know what they write about. Is it their feelings? Is it poetry or prose? Is it just a rundown of their day? I want to know!
So this friend I went to dinner with is pretty liberal and we rarely talk about politics but tonight Michael Moore came up in our convo. I can barely control my hatred of this fat, lying mother fucker but when I said something about how stupid he is, I noticed this look on her face, almost a wince and I knew...my friend likes Michael Moore.
Damn! I stopped and said, "Uh oh. You dig this guy huh?" She laughed and said, "Well kind of." Then she went on to tell me how cool she thought it was when he blasted the President during his Oscar acceptance speech.
I held up my hand immediately and said, "We need to change the subject now if we want to remain friends."
Ok so politics is off limits. Surely there are other things to talk about, right?
Birthday go bye bye
Alas, the day has ended. Birthdays and Christmas are all the same. You wait all year for this one day and then it's over in the blink of an eye.
It wasn't such a bad day. I had dinner at my mommy's house and she made me a delicious cake: red velvet with chocolate frosting! mmm
Wonderful, Wonderful M. went above and beyond the call of boyfriend-duty. I got a delivery of beautiful flowers with several different types of daisies (my favorite flower), snapdragons and stargazer lilies.
The UPS man also gave me a large box and after digging through countless styrofoam peanuts, I unearthed the world's most beautiful purse! Check it out! I am so spoiled!
My refridgerator is two steps away from being quarantined by the CDC.....
according to this.
Via Venomous Kate
.
I had some stuff regarding politics and the middle east I wanted to say but it's only an hour or so since my birthday ended and I still feel like it's my special day so I'd rather think and rant another day....stay tuned ;)
Happy Birthday To Me!
I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world! Even though he was so exhausted from a long day at work, he stayed up on the phone with me until midnight so he could sing Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday also to George Bush (the elder), Anne Frank, my late Aunt Dorene and my late Great Grandmother Jones!
I always loved sharing a birthday with Anne Frank. June 12 was the day that she started writing in her diary because she was given the diary for her birthday. I have always felt some connection with her.
Weird huh?
Hey, it's not too late! I accept belated gifts! Check out my wishlist on Amazon.
Cat. It's what's for dinner.
On the local news last night they ended the show with a little blurb about some dumbasses in Thailand who have pet cobras and allow their children to play with them.
They think it's hilarious to piss the snake off and then dodge his attempts to bite a chunk out of their asses.
They showed video of these little dark children running at these scary fucking snakes and then backing off when they spread their necks really wide and lunge at them.
Stupid fucks.
Anyway, the airhead news chick says "Don't they have kittens in Thailand?"
Umm yes...they do have kittens but in Thailand they call them DINNER!
I'm a Right-leaning Libertarian
Where on the political map do YOU belong? Find out here.
So guys...I have a question:
Is this true???
I KNEW it! That's it! I'm getting a mullet and attaching my keys to my belt loop!
Freaks!
Rachel Lucas: I have severe intractable nausea
I need to remember not to eat while on the 'net. *hurl*
Rachel Lucas Rocks!
I'm a victim of Clinton Karma!
Not 30 minutes after bad-mouthing good ole Hill, I experienced the bad Bubba mojo!
I got up to take the dogs out and to save myself a second trip down the stairs, I grabbed the trash to dispose of while we were on our walk.
So, I leave the house with two dogs on a leash, the little dog tucked under my arm and the garbage in my hand.
I struggle with this going down the stairs and stop about halfway to rearrange the dog order so I won't become tangled up in leashes. I looked behind me and noticed I was leaving a trail of leftover mac & cheese starting at the top of my stairs.
I had no other hands so there was nothing for me to do but walk as fast as I could to the dumpster at the same time tripping over the leashes, unable to coordinate the two on the leashes to go into the same direction.
As I'm hurrying to said dumpster, Crash (one of them on the leash) starts his reverse sneezing and it's pretty bad this time and I can tell it's starting to panic him a little.
Still, there wasn't anything I could do until I got this leaking garbage bag out of my hands so I drug them behind me and just as I got close, I stepped in a small hole, twisting my ankle and sending me Crashing into the side of the dumpster.
I got the trash in there and stopped to calm my poor wheezing dog and wondered what the hell was going on.
The bright side to all of this is that I found my way back to my apartment by following the mac & cheese trail! Oh and the dogs cleaned it up by EATING the trail on the way back home!
It's all a conspiracy
Ok, first there was SARS, now it's Monkey Pox.
You know what I think? We can blame this all on anti-bacterial soap companies. See, what they've done is made us so resistant against bacteria and viruses that nature had to conjure up bigger and badder ones.
Possibly these viruses were around before now but the lessers died of typhoid and the bubonic plaque before the new afflictions could get to them. Now we're all immune to those antiquated diseases but something has got to kill us! Enter: SARS and Monkey Pox....
In Honor of Hillary's new "tell-all", I've written (para-phrased) thee a Shakespearean Sonnet:
Ode to Hillary, Unfair matron of all that is evil:
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old lies' new form my dear times waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to such perjure,
For truths hid in Hilliary's teflon heart,
And weep afresh morality long since cancelled,
And moan the expense of many a vanished co-conspirator; ie Vince Foster:
Then can I rejoice at terms foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell Republicans
The sad account of fore-bemoaned travesties,
Which tax-payers now pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think of thee, Cold Fish
All pains are restored and sorrows know no end.
Can I just say that I fucking HATE Blogger/Blogspot! I typed out this whole fucking sonnet and instead of posting it, blogspot LOST it.
Stupid me didn't copy it before posting it.
If I would have been blogging at the normal time of the evening/morning, there is no way in HELL I would be capable of rewriting it!
Bill Whittle: Bigger, Better....LONGER
Just when you thought you could read a Whittle essay without having to take three bathroom breaks, take the dogs out, cook dinner and make your bed in the middle, Bill revises it and makes more Magic.
Size DOES matter after all!
Two days until my birthday!
You've got just two days to buy me stuff! Like umm...this stuff.
Bye Bye MENSA
I'm not a genius.
How can that be????
I scored 124 on this nation wide IQ test tonight. (yes, I have absolutely nothing better to do than to take a TV IQ test given by Leeza Gibbons and some reality show host)
I can't believe I won't be allowed to join MENSA. I guess this means I have to return my pocket protector and lower the hem on my pants. Oh and no more white socks with black shoes...Damn!
What am I going to do with my life now?
I expected to coast through life on my vast intelligence, get by merely on my ability to scream out Jeopardy questions to the television and just basically lie around saying "I don't have a job but DAMN I'm smart!"
Now, I'm just like everyone else.
God, I'm depressed!
A Cowboy from New Jersey??
If anyone can coach a team and at the same time, tell the team's owner to kiss his ass, it's Bill Parcells.
I'm a little excited about the 'Boys this year. Parcells is a hard ass and just what the team needs. This makes me wonder why Jerry Jones hired this guy. We all know that Jones loves for his coaches to be merely puppets on his string. Jones is a rich boy who couldn't play professional football so he bought himself a team and although he gave them a few good years, he ultimately destroyed them because he has to control every aspect of coaching. He's a football micro-manager.
He had a good coach in Jimmy Johnson, well that is until their egos got the best of them.
Helmet-headed Johnson got a little too big for Jones' britches so he had to go.
Next we had Barry Switzer or as he's known in the Jungle, Bozo the Switzer.
Look, I liked Switzer. I thought he was a great guy but he whithered under Jones' evil glare, as did many others that came after Switzer. It takes a special man to stand up to this kind of evil regime.
I truly hope that is Bill Parcells.
I want my 'Boys back!!!
Note to Troy Aikman: God, I miss you in those tight uniform pants!
G.
An Iraqi blog that isn't bitching about "American occupation".
Imagine that!
Keep on rolling when the lights go down in the city so come sail away with me!
If that made sense to you, then you're OLD OLD OLD!
And so were most of the people at Old Fucker Fest aka ArrowFest featuring Survivor, REO Speedwagon, Styx and Journey.
I have to admit. It was kinda cool. I am amazed at what a good show these guys put on. Like the lead singer from REO Speedwagon. He said they've been a band for over 30 yrs and he's running around the stage rocking out.
Styx were SO cool! I love Tommy Shaw even though he's about the size of a Hummel figurine. I had actually forgotten about many of their kick ass songs.
Journey closed the show and they had the old, weather-beaten crowd on their feet. Everyone sang along to nearly EVERY song. They played two songs from their new album and the crowd got a little restless wanting them to get back to the old shit.
I don't know if Journey has a bad song. I know it's not cool to like the old stuff these days but it brought back some memories. Like, my best friend's 7th grade boyfriend use to write her notes and quote Journey lyrics. I use to think that was SO freakin cool! I wanted a boyfriend that would quote Journey songs to me!
Sosa suspended for using corked bat
Yeah? So?
Get Mark McGwire to piss in a cup. I bet you'll find more than cork in there!
I'm not saying corking your bat is right but hell, Jose Canseco and Chad Curtis said themselves that a HUGE percentage of major league players are on some type of steroid or performance enhancing drug.
At least Sosa's using a doctored bat and avoiding having his nuts shriveled up like raisins!
MLB is in some serious trouble. Ken Caminiti admitted to taking steroids his MVP season and other players have said steroid use is rampant.
Yet, Sosa corking a bat is a HUGE scandal.
What happens when the union starts drug testing? I know! I know! The poor losers in the minors will finally get to go to the show!
Drabble And The Jungle
Jim Rome put together all the Drabble strips that features his show. Classic!
See kids? This is why education is so important...
If this guy knew how to spell he wouldn't have gotten caught!
A misspelled bomb threat has led to the arrest of a worker known for his poor spelling.
A good reason to have kids
The boys would burglarize homes and the mom would pawn the stolen items.
See, the mom has the right idea except she should have started them out early.
The best way is to train toddlers to sneak in through the doggie doors and steal small valuables. Who is going to accuse a little baby of stealing?
UNBELIEVABLE!
I typed a freakin blog post.
I typed for an hour.
I poured my heart out.
I clicked on "Post and Publish".
Blogger screwed up and lost my entire post.
I am NOT rewriting it.
This day has lasted forever and I'm about ready for it to end.
So....Hi. That's about all I can do.
Oh, by the way, I'm hating Blogger and Blogspot.
Blogger often has errors and Blogspot and/or Blogger screws up my archives.
Does anyone know of a free blogger program and host that might work better?
I'm starting to understand how age can creep up on you...
My mom told me the other day how she wrote a nasty letter to our local CBS affiliate because they preempted The Price Is Right for the Children's Miracle Network Telethon.
I cracked up! Bob Barker has become so important to my mother that she would be pissed because she missed him for a stupid telethon!
I thought to myself, "I would expect this from some old lady but not my mom." Then I realized to some, my mom is an old lady. Wow. How did that happen? When did she become old? I know she has NO idea. In her mind, she's still young.
That's when I realized that it's that way for all of us. In my mind, I'm still 18 and 40 years from now, I'll still think I'm 18. Except my body will betray me. My back will start to hurt, my joints will ache and I'll start driving slowly. I'll become afraid of traffic and steep stairs.
Life is kind of cruel this way. We live a long life and instead of being rewarded with comfort, we're given old bodies and feeble minds.
One would think this knowledge would allow me to have more patience with grouchy old farts but I'm sure the next time I'm behind some old dude going 15 mph in a 55 mph zone I'll be screaming obscenities through my closed car window!
1983 called, they want their music back!
I just got back from seeing Def Leppard in concert. No, I didn't ride in my time machine, those old dudes are still rockin!
I was pleasantly surprised at the amazing show these guys put on. I was not pleasantly surprised at the old people at the show, however.
It was almost as if these people came in their own time machines straight from the 80's.
My favorite was Leather Tuscadero, a 40-something woman in a black leather pair of shorts and matching halter top. It wasn't that the shorts were too short but her ass was too saggy, it just hung out from beneath her shorts...ICK! It was sorta like a train wreck, I couldn't NOT look!
Anyway, back to the music. These guys are still so cool. I remember my best friend and I making up a dance to Photograph when we were in ELEMENTARY school! OMG That's a LONG time ago....now 20 some odd years later, they are still "setting this town alight". Phil Collen is still shirtless and rockin it along with one-armed wonder, Rick Allen, Rick Savage and guitar legend Vivien Campbell.
In the middle of the show I actually started to miss my AquaNet and hot rollers.
Next week is Old Fucker Fest. Journey, Styx, Survivor, REO Speedwagon will all be shuffling onto the stage to regale us with those songs of yesteryear that make me smile to hear them to this day like Anyway You Want It, Don't Stop Believing, Come Sail Away and I Can't Fight This Feeling.
Father Ralph is gay? No f-ing shit.
Was anyone else surprised about this? Does anyone care? Who gives a shit that he's gay? He was still hot as Father Ralph in the Thornbirds and even if I knew or cared back in the day, I would still think he was hot.
By the way, I reread The Thornbirds recently and cried for an hour at the end. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it so just look away now...
I have to know....WHY COULDN'T MEGGIE AND RALPH HAVE HAD JUST A LITTLE TIME TOGETHER BEFORE HE DIED???? Would it have killed Colleen McCollough to give them some happiness for a little while? *sigh*
Sometimes I forget it's fiction. ;)
