Well, I've been ripped out of my malaise by the infamous Skippy.
I was catching up with him today and found myself laughing like a retard at my monitor.
How can you not love a man who hates himself so viciously?
In fact, I probably wouldn't be so aggravated by the whole thing if he were at least good looking. Our Hero is even uglier than I am! And remember, I require several sharp blows to the face every morning just to look normal!
How can you not laugh, even when the world seems so doomed?
In the lead up to the first party, there were not one, but two such women at my desk. Both could be described as blindingly beautiful. The combined effect of them together lead me to believe that my penis was about to tear through my pants and punch me in the face. I actually wanted to rip my own eyes out so that their beauty would be my final visual memory.
..............................
Remember that I said that these units ae no bigger than a coffee table? I wasn't kidding. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that you couldn't spin in a circle in the living room if you had and erection without banging your cock on each of the walls. Don't ask me how I know this, just know that I do.
If I wasn't positive that all Canadian men had tiny penises, I'd be all over that Skippy.
I am so tied up in knots right now.
I'm worried about a friend in Mississippi whom I haven't heard from as well as the unfathomable amount of people left without homes in Louisiana and Mississippi.
My heart breaks into a million pieces when reading the accounts online or watching the devastation on the news.
I'm worried about my poor dog who doesn't seem to be getting better. I worry that I'll have to make a big decision about him soon.
I'm worried about my new car. I've never owned a brand new car before and the financial commitment is overwhelming. I'm worried that now that I have a new car, someone will crash into it, scratch it, bump it or breathe on it.
There was an amount of freedom in driving a piece of shit, you know.
I'm tired of holding back. I feel like I have all this shit bottled up inside and I can't let it all out.
I'm tired of other people holding back; afraid to say what is on their minds.
Just fucking say it. If you open up, I will too.
I'm sick of this psycho black hole we have here at work.
She was gone for a week and it was a blessed vacation for us. She's back now and she just sucks the life out of this place.
How does a person live in that kind of pissed off misery? How can they justify making everyone around them miserable too?
No matter what shit I spew here or how much I whine, I'm a smiling fucker here at work.
I'm pleasant and easy to get along with.
If I can do it, why can't she?
I'm so sick of Cindy Sheehan and her lunatic rantings and all the media coverage she had been getting before Hurricane Katrina. It took one raging bitch to knock another off the top of the newscast.
I'm so tired of missing my nephew. Missing him will never end because I fully expected to have him in my life forever. Hell, he was supposed to take care of me when I was old and decrepit.
However, it's not all bad.
Well, not for me anyway. I can't imagine what it is like to lose everything because I still have a roof over my head everynight and a warm comfortable bed to sleep in.
I have plenty of food and water and can bathe whenever my little heart desires.
Crash still wags his tail when I talk to him and is crazy excited when I get home from work.
I DO have a brand new car that will take me where ever I want to go.
I only have to work with the psycho here for a few hours a day, then she can go home to her own misery and leave us all here, happy to see her gone.
Yes, Rick is gone and I feel a physical stab of pain when I think of his death, but I have his brother Michael who is SO amazingly beautiful in every way imaginable.
He started Driver's Ed. this week and is bouncing off the walls with excitement. I love that!
I told him the other night that the latest Harry Potter movie was coming out in November but I know that he'll be 16 then and if he didn't want to go with me this time, I'd totally understand.
He said, "No! I want to go. That's our thing," he hesitated and then exclaimed, "but now, I can drive YOU to the movies!."
Holy crap. He's right. When we started our tradition of going to the opening night of Harry Potter, he was just a little boy who got butterflies in his stomach as the opening credits appeared on the screen. Now, he's a 6'2" almost-driver who is growing up WAY too fast.
It's glorious to watch.
I spent yesterday working and reading updates on Hurricane Katrina.
I can't even fathom what those people are going through. That hurricane has caused total devastation in so many places. So many people lost everything and I suppose they are lucky they still have their lives.
I have a friend in Mississippi whom I haven't heard from and I'm worried sick.
I know the phone lines are down and communication is impossible in the hard-hit areas but I wish he would get in touch with me so I can breathe again!
I can't help but look at the destruction and think "There but for the grace of God go I."
It could so EASILY be us in that situation. I don't know why we've been spared for so many years and I don't know how long it will be before we get "The Big One."
I'm not complacent. I know our time is coming....
But I'll promise you one thing; I won't be one of the ones surfing in the gulf or partying on a condo balcony welcoming the deadly storm. You'll be lucky if you even SEE my tails lights as I speed the fuck out of town.
Conservative U.S. evangelist Pat Robertson called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, but top U.S. officials denied on Tuesday that any such act was being contemplated -- and noted it would be illegal.
I’m not naïve enough to think that we don’t do these things quietly but I truly think Pat Robertson has gone off the deep end.
How does a well known “christian” justify his desire to see another human assassinated if he’s not crazier than a shithouse rat?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t assassinate people but shouldn’t we keep it on the down-low? I’m just saying…
Pat Robertson is obviously suffering from the late stages of some kind of dementia. Doesn’t he have people to shut him up?
I know *I* do.
with kindness.
I could never lose hope in humankind because there are people like Lisa around.
I met Lisa a while back on IRC. We totally hit it off and cracked each other up that very first night we spoke and even though I've fallen off the face of the IRC earth, we still keep in touch and read each other's blogs.
She's a much better writer and a million times funnier than I but she still found it in her heart to send me a little gift to lift my spirits after all the crap with Crash.
From my Amazon wishlist, she sent me Swingin' Easy by Sarah Vaughan.
I popped it in my CD player last night and laid in bed reading my newest Entertainment Weekly while listening to Sarah Vaughan's smoky voice.
Also, I listened to it on the way to work this morning in my car. How perfect! A new CD for my new car!
Thank you, Lisa! You're a real peach!!!
There’s no crying in baseball but there is MUCH crying in new car shopping.
I hate it. It’s not fun unless you have unlimited amounts of money and can afford ANY car you choose.
But I had an agenda. I had a strict budget with no room to negotiate.
This is my first foray into new car buying but I’ve been around others who had done it several times and had been given much advice.
I asked my best friend and her husband to go with me because I figured the presence of a man will keep the vulture-like salesmen from totally ass-raping me.
Apparently, you can’t walk into a car dealership and say “I want a [insert car of choice here] and I want to pay [insert ridiculously low amount here].”
It doesn’t work that way…
The first place we went to had a helpful guy that usually sold Chevy’s but was helping out on the Toyota side.
He knew nothing about the Toyotas but that was ok because I had done my homework. I knew what I wanted, he didn’t have to sell it to me; I just wanted him to give me a good price.
He couldn’t get me into the car I wanted for the price I needed. We found this out after that theatrical song and dance of him taking the paper into his manager, his manager making a higher offer, me declining that and him going back to the manager and finally ending with the big bear leaving his cave to come over and personally tell me that I’m out of my fucking mind.
So we leave that place and head to another. That’s when I test drove another car I really liked.
Our salesman here didn’t have a masterful grasp of the English language but sported an unusually American first name. Kind of like when you call tech support and get a thickly accented Indian named Bob.
We negotiated with the guy for a while, got a price and headed back to the first place, looked at what they had to offer in the way of that car and negotiated for a while. It was suggested to me by my friend that I shop around a little more on Monday but after all of that back and forth, I would have paid anything to never have to do it again.
To make a long story short (I know, too late)…I drove out with a brand spanking new car Saturday night.
It doesn’t sound like a lot of work but take into consideration the back and forth, the mental anguish and nervousness of just spending that kind of money and making that kind of financial commitment and the fact that the heat index this weekend was about 110 degrees.
Of course, you probably know exactly what I went through. Even though gas prices are unfuckingbelievably high, you people are buying brand new cars like they’re going out of style.
There is even a new Hummer dealership opening up down the freeway.
What the hell? I can’t even imagine how much money it would take to fill up a fucking Hummer these days.
I think some people have more money than brains.
Watch out Mr. Simon....I might have to start dog AND cat blogging.
Hemingway is certainly photogenic:
Always camera-ready:
And freakin HUGE:
Four Honkies is now sans one honky.
After an unimpressive bitch fight that didn't include Jell-O or mud, Wolf has left the building.
I totally dig all the guys over there but Wolf will be missed.
It's possibly they'll add a female honky (honkette? honktress?).
Are you woman enough to fill the Wolf's shoes?
Well, it's official. Crash does have Cushing's Disease.
I'm picking up his very expensive medication today.
It's important that he be monitored very closely while on this medication because dosing too high could be VERY dangerous. The medication actually destroys the outer layer of the adrenal gland to stop it from overproducing the hormones that are affecting his blood pressure and appetite.
Crash is also suffering from SARD (Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration). At first, I was lead to believe it was completely separate from the Cushing's but when I started reading about it today, I saw that there is a relationship between Cushing's and SARD.
Unfortunately, SARD is irreversible and Crash will be blind for the rest of his life.
Although it is terribly sad to see him confused by objects he runs into and stumble over things, I know that he will eventually adapt to being blind very well.
Zoe, my other Bichon, has been blind for a few years now because of traumatic cataracts.
You would never know she is blind, that chick is hell on wheels and Crash will be the same way soon.
We just have a lot of training ahead of us. I did it with Zoe and I can do it again.
A previous post about honest men got me to thinking about honest women.
A few years ago I wasn't such an honest woman.
I wasn't involved with anyone but I dated guys here and there. There was this one guy that I saw periodically but I wasn't particularly interested in him for a serious relationship.
Sometimes I just wasn't in the mood for him so I just wouldn't go out with him.
One day we were chatting online and he kept saying he wanted to see me that night. I kept offering up excuses because I didn't want to be rude and say "No. your freakishly small feet and weird mumbling gets on my fucking nerves." because back in the day, I...well...you know I just liked to keep a bottle of water in my back pocket just in case I got stranded in the desert (if you know what I mean).
So, I told him that things were just too chaotic in my life at that time and it's just not a good time for me.
He said, "Oh, sure. I understand..........So how is tomorrow looking?"
Yes, I was dishonest but he was an idiot.
I don't normally do these things but I thought this one was neat because well...it was actually accurate.
If all of the desserts listed below were sitting in front of you,which would you choose? Pick your dessert,then look to see what Psychiatrists think about you! (Sorry you can only pick one)
Angel Food Cake
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake
ANGEL FOOD CAKE: Sweet,loving,cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.
BROWNIES: You are adventurous,Love new ideas,and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sence of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.
LEMON MERINGUE: Smooth, sexy and articulate with your hands. You are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. And you can walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.
VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING: Fun loving,sassy and humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lacking motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are ! a friend for life.
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE: Romantic, warm and loving. You care about t other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt.You can be overly emotional at times.
CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE: Sexy, always ready to give and recieve. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior, but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.
ICE CREAM: You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you also enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintainance.
CARROT CAKE: You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm-hearted person and a little bit quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.
I chose chocolate on chocolate. It's SO true!
According to a friend - a MALE friend- they went the way of the parachute pants.
We were discussing my need for an HONEST man. A man who doesn't play games, doesn't double talk, doesn't live in a fantasy world and who knows who HE is and what he wants.
Is that so hard?
My friend says that basically men are idiots and I should just get use to it.
Our IM conversation follows:
male friend : dont punish him for being an idiot
male friend : if you use that as a criterion, youre doomed to die alone
me: lol
male friend : although i doubt he'd make a very good dom
me: i'm not looking for a dom
me: just someone honest
male friend : you'll have better luck finding a dom
Am I doomed?
Who wouldn't love to know what it's like to walk a mile in my shoes? I mean, my life is so interesting!
Let's take yesterday for example.
I rolled out of bed took the dogs out, showered, dressed and headed out the door with all 3 dogs.
Getting 3 dogs out of the house and into a car along with all the crap I had to take with me isn't easy. It's school time and the bus stop is on the corner of my complex, right by where I have to walk to get to the parking lot. It's about 5 minutes of "Can I pet your dog?" or "Does your dog bite?". Somedays I want to say "Yes, my fluffy white Bichons are vicious killers! Now, go away!"
I took the dogs to my mother's house, dropped off Zoe and Piper, picked up my dad's dog, Avery, to take the the local vet for my mother on my way to take Crash to the specialist about 30 mins away.
Avery was my dad's best friend and when my dad knew he was dying, he worried how Avery would take it. He's been coughing a lot lately and although Mom has him on heartworm preventative, she's worried he's got something going on with his heart.
So, I drop Avery off at the vet for a chest film, drive across town to pick up my sister who volunteered to go with me for moral support.
After I picked up Sis, she noticed that there wasn't a large manila sleeve that contains an xray in the car.
"Did you bring Crash's x-ray and lap work?"
SHIT! No!
So, back home I went.
We had a nice long drive to the clinic, nice long wait in the waiting room, then we had to leave Crash for his tests and we headed back to town.
I dropped her off and after having seen the estimate for the tests, I headed to my bank to talk to my favorite loan officer.
After hearing my tales of woe regarding my dog and my car, she informed me that I am preapproved for a car "so go out there and find you a good car!" she says.
I'm worried about Crash but Oh My God! Finally! A new car!
I left the bank and off to work I go.
I spend the next several hours at work downloading some old school tunes that were acquired for me by a lovely young man who has freakishly small hands and being interviewed like I was on Oprah. (my dream really)
I left work and went immediately to pick up Crash, driving through road construction and inevitable South Houston traffic.
I could see the south-bound traffic was nearly at a stand-still so on the way home, I pulled off at Petsmart and Crash and I browsed for a while so those crazy traffic jammers could clear out.
Instead of heading straight home, my remaining kids were at my mother's house so I to stop there and ended up eating dinner while she watched over me like mothers do and lent her sage advice on my finances, cars and pet care.
I walked through my own door at 10pm, handed out treats, got out of my travel-weary clothes, washed my face, glanced at the dishes in the kitchen sink and thought to myself "fuck em" and plopped my ass on the couch.
The only thing more boring exhausting than living my day is reading about it, I'm sure.
I took Crash to his appointment with the Internal Medicine Specialist.
She checked his x-ray and concluded that what my vet thought was a mass in his abdomen was just his stomach valve. Everything looked good in the x-ray.
After hearing my laundry list of symptoms, she felt like Crash might have Cushing's Disease.
He is still there as we speak going through a low dose dexamethasone test which has to be done 3 different times of the day.
He's going to be examined by the veterinary ophthalmologist too.
All told, the estimate is $865. *faint*
I'll have more information after I pick him up this evening.
by this lil hussy.
List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and the five songs (with artist) in your blog. Then tag five people to see what they're listening to.
1. Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls (I know...I know)
2. B.Y.O.B by System of a Down
3. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica (I'm rediscovering what a fucking amazing song this is)
4. Diamonds From Sierra Leone by Kanye West
5. Doesn't Remind Me by Audioslave
I don't want to tag anyone. I hope that's ok. :)
Dog pictures ahead....
Crash looking innocent.
Piper showing off her goodies.
Zoe. Ready for her close-up.
And a rare shot of yours truly with Crash.
obviously it's not to eat anything with.
Hilary Duff has lost so much weight and is positively skeletal yet she added the weight back in her teeth.
They are HUGE!
This is adorable Hilary before:
This is Hilary now:
I'm not one to talk shit about celebs (yeah right) but come ON!
She needs better advisors.
Read more at The Superficial.
I know this is becoming a sick dog blog but that is what is going on in my life right now....a sick dog.
If you don't like it...well I didn't force your ass to navigate here! ;)
On Saturday I started doing some research on the lab results from the blood our vet took last month.
Everything that wasn't normal pointed to metabolic acidosis which has a common cause: diabetes.
My vet never mentioned diabetes to me. His glucose levels are normal.
It's all very confusing and I feel hopelessly out of control.
I decided to take all dogs off all treats and stop free-feeding them. I boiled a bunch of chicken thighs Saturday afternoon to start using in lieu of treats and then used the chicken stock to moisten their food. I guess Crash liked it too much or maybe I fed him more than I should have because a few hours later, he was VERY sick.
His stomach was visibly distended and he was in pain.
I wanted to take him to the emergency clinic but my sister convinced me not to. We tried a few things and he seemed to get better as time went by.
I've cut down on his portions and yesterday only gave him broth and a tiny bit of kibble.
So, those symptoms are gone but the usual ones seem to be getting worse. It really seems like a LONG time until we see the specialist.
I'm getting a glimpse of how parents with sick children feel. It's frustrating when you can't make them feel better and have no control over the situation.
The difference is that I know my dogs will die in my lifetime whereas children are supposed to outlive their parents.
It's the natural order of things but it doesn't make it any easier.
Taking provocative pictures 101.
Rule #1
Clean your tub more than once a decade before taking "sexy" bathtub shots.
Click to view the horror in detail.
I'd like to know how dirty you'd have to be to get clean in THAT tub?
It's me, the crazy dog lady again.
I took the morning off and took Crash back to the vet because he was not only getting worse but on Monday I discovered that he couldn't see.
He's not ancient. He's only 9 years old so this isn't old age setting in, this is something more.
Just to refresh your memory; the vet has treated him for hypothyroidism and a ruptured disk in his back.
The pain medication didn't seem to help much and I couldn't tell if the thyroid medication was working.
Today, the vet took a look at him, listened to what I had to say about his symptoms and concluded that he just didn't know what was going on.
He did inform me that in the last x-ray, he noticed a mass in his abdomen but didn't think it was anything serious. Now, he's not so sure.
He's referred me to an internist in Houston and sent me home with his x-ray and a copy of his file and lab report.
This is a specialist and is known to be VERY expensive. Hopefully, I won't have to sell my kidney to pay the bill.
Just in case, is ebay letting people auction off internal organs anymore?
I'm a little worried because this mass could easily be the cause of all the problems he's been having. It's possible it could be cancer and God help me if my furry little baby has cancer!
Anyway, I've got an appointment with the million dollar internist on Tuesday. Keep your fingers (or any appendage of your choice) crossed for us!
I am in a foul mood today!
I just woke up pissed off.....No, that's not right. I think it started yesterday but it was made worse this morning when I got to work and my boss bombarded me before I even had a chance to put my shit down! She had a project for me which was soooooooooo stupid. She wanted certain computers moved and I explained to her last week why we couldn't move one of them but this morning she had already moved furniture to accommodate the one computer that shouldn't be moved.
So this meant that I had to leave and go buy 50ft of patch cable that we didn't have, crawl around on my hands and knees in my cute black capris and even cuter pink top and break a sweat!
But, my bad mood isn't about having to do a little manual labor (although it didn't help!).
Have you ever been so angry at someone but so afraid of unleashing that anger?
Have you ever walked around having imaginary conversations, saying all the mean, hurtful things that have been taking refuge in your brain for so long?
Have you ever felt like if you didn't get those things out of your head that you might snap and climb a clock tower with a semi automatic weapon and take millions of innocent lives?
Yeah, me neither.
Dude #1: Islam is bullshit, man. How can you fast for a whole month? No wonder they're fucking crazy.
Dude #2: They don't completely fast. They can eat those noodles.
Dude #1: What noodles?
Dude #2: Ramandan noodles--they're like six for a buck.
Dude #1: Those are called Ramen noodles. God, you're fucking stupid.
You KNOW tattoos have hit mainstream when there are not one but TWO reality shows about running a tattoo shop.
There is Miami Ink on TLC and Inked on A&E and I love both of them!
No surprise there, really, since I'm addicted to that whole tattoo thing.
But it's really about the stories surrounding the artists and the people who are getting work done.
I've never really liked reality TV but I'm hooked on these shows.
I've accused other people of being passive aggressive but I realized last night that I'm SO guilty of it myself!
I posted a blog entry yesterday totally whining about shit that I really had NO excuse to whine about.
And in passing I mentioned someone that I know reads this blog...KNOWING they would KNOW I was talking about them. (Jeeeez! Did that make sense?)
So, subconsciously, I was being passive aggressive.
While getting ready for bed last night, I was mulling over the events of the day and my mind went back to that stupid post and I thought to myself, "You big whiny retard!"
Who am I to post something so immature and ridiculous? There is a war going on, planes crashing, people suffering from terminal illnesses and I'm over here on my pathetic blog going, "No one listens to me...wahhhhh!".
So, yeah I deleted the post.
In deleting the post, I deleted some VERY sweet comments from a lot of people and don't think I don't have those suckers saved in my inbox and don't think for a second I will forget them!