I'm sure you may have noticed I haven't posted in a while and I might be absent a bit longer.
There is shit going on in De's world right now and I've got to get it all straight. I'm not sure I'll feel much like blogging in the midst of this but I'll be back, as always.
and so is the curse.
Congrats to the Red Sox and their long-suffering fans!
Frankly, I'm disappointed. It was much more interesting when they were losers.
I went to my first meditation practice last night at the Buddhist Center.
It wasn't what I expected at all and that's a good thing.
It was in someone's old house set on cinder blocks. The front room was set up specifically for group meditation and lectures.
The only thing was, the homeowner and meditation leader was not there. The lady who led it last night was incredibly warm and friendly but fumbled her way through. I was glad because it made me feel more relaxed.
There were only 6 of us there; a college student, the meditation leader, a mom and her son, my friend and me.
I felt a connection there but it wasn't as if it were some meaningful spiritual experience. I was so ultra aware of what was going on around me that I couldn't "find my center". When we should have been in deep meditation, I kept focusing on the sounds of some idiot outside revving his engine repeatedly and the sound of someone in the back of the house washing dishes. Then my foot was uncomfortable, curled up on this pillow, my back hurt and I was sitting in a weird position but I didn't want to fidget around trying to get comfortable when everyone else seemed perfectly relaxed.
So, I sat there trying not to notice the shooting pains in my back and the fact that my ass was falling asleep.
I think I need to do some mediation accessory shopping.
I wonder if Gucci makes meditation pillows?
She's back and she's prolific! Grab the popcorn folks.
Check out Room and Room. I don't know why it's so fascinating to take a glimpse into someone else's life.
I love to walk through neighborhoods just so I can hopefully sneak a peek inside someone's house to see how it's decorated, how messy it is or isn't, see what they're doing right at that hour not knowing that I'm out there walking by...
Now you can do it from the comfort of your own computer.
They are all Japanese apartments and homes. Does everyone in Japan live in a tiny hovel?
Do all Japanese people smoke? I can't tell you how many pictures I saw of cigarette packages and ashtrays.
Maybe that's why they are all so thin. They eat fish and rice and smoke til their lungs rot.
Maybe that's a diet plan I should get behind.
Ok...this has gone on long enough.
Sheila went to Chicago. She posted, telling us what a great time she was having. Then....nothing.
She hasn't posted in 5 days. FIVE DAYS!!!
I know the girl deserves some fun time but it's her own fault for getting us hooked on her amazing Redheaded Ramblings.
She can't just LEAVE like that!
I think I'm getting the shakes.
Come back Shane Sheila!
Tomorrow I'm going to a Buddhist center meeting for the first time.
I found a center in my area and have been wanting to go but have been too nervous to go alone.
First of all, I'm very new to Buddhism and secondly, I have a bizarre fear of going to new, foreign places alone.
I emailed this center asking what I should expect and what I should bring. I received a very friendly reply telling me I should expect to be greeted warmly and to have a meaningful experience.
I've asked a friend to go with me. He's not Buddhist, nor has he been studying it like I have but he's always up for new experiences so he agreed to tag along with me.
He and I have known each other such a long time and know each other so well that I sometimes know what he's thinking without him telling me.
Therefore, I just know something is going to happen tomorrow that is going to end up giving us the giggles.
Someone is going to start chanting weird or the people will be strange and one look at him will have me snickering because I KNOW that later, in the car, he's going to be cracking jokes and then we'll REALLY laugh.
But this isn't a laughing matter. This is about my spirituality and mindfulness. This is about finding enlightenment and a purpose in life.
Somehow, though, I always find the humor in it too.
I'll let you guys know how it goes.
I'll be sure to write about in great detail how my foot fell asleep during meditation so when I got up, I fell on my face. Or how I got a cramp in my leg after sitting there so long that I jumped up and yelled, "Shit shit shit!" like I do when I wake up with a charlie horse in the middle of the night.
My soul is damned.
No matter how I do it, the answer is always the same...
Congratulations! You are Lynette Scavo, the
ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for
boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic as
the mother of four unmanageable kids.
Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I am NOT Lynette. I want to be Terri Hatcher or Eva Longoria...Jesus!
link shamelessly stolen from Uptown Girl
I couldn't think of anything to blog about...well I couldn't sort through all the crap in my head and find something to write about so I ran across a website I had bookmarked a while back, Blog Ideas. The idea I got was "How long do you think you'll live?".
I found this interesting because I have thought about death - who hasn't?
I've always thought that I would die young. I think part of that is because it's hard to imagine myself as an elderly person. Another part is that it's impossible for me to look forward to the future sometimes. Just when I think I have something to look forward to, things drastically change.
I have no fucking clue what's going to happen in the next 20 years. Absolutely no clue.
Most people imagine being with their spouses, watching their children grow up, go to college, get married and plan some kind of great retirement. That doesn't mean things are going to happen the way you think they will, but at least you have an idea.
I have no idea. So, sometimes I think that's because I won't have much of a future, that I will die young.
The thought doesn't scare me too much but I wonder what would happen to my dogs?
Maybe I should clean out my scary secret closet so some poor family member doesn't have to do it. This closet is a secret because it's so scary. Even in death I'd be humiliated for someone to see the horror!
I bet this couple will never forget it!
Tourists at the Alamo saw something besides historical exhibits at the shrine of Texas independence in downtown San Antonio. A man and woman landed in jail after witnesses told police they were seen having sex inside the mission Sunday.
Yeah, they were 18 and 19.
I thought I was bulletproof when I was their age, too!
had a panic/anxiety attack?
I have. It's not fun.
I had one a few months ago and I've been having them on and off for a few days.
I find the human brain to be interesting.
What is the purpose of these attacks? Why do I have trouble breathing and feel like either my heart is going to burst out of my chest or my chest is going to collapse?
Why do some people have them and others don't?
I fully admit that I do not handle stress well. I don't know why. I want to be strong. I really try and at first I think I will be, but as time creeps by, it starts to build. The pressure. The tension. The detachment from everything.
I guess part of the problem is this - and I'll let you in on a little secret here, kids - I don't talk about my feelings or my problems to anyone. No one. Not my mom, not my sisters, not my friends, No One.
I have a therapist but that's only for an hour every two weeks. In two weeks, I pretty much forget to talk about what was bothering me or I just plain run out of time.
I am a closed book. Most people I know would be shocked to know I have panic or anxiety attacks and that I'm actually scared most of the time. I hide this shit well, my friends. Call the academy because I deserve a freaking Oscar!
I hate that old adage, "Time heals all wounds" or some shit like that. Sure, it does get better with time but it's a LONG time.
I want it to be better NOW. I know that tomorrow it will be worse and possibly even worse the next day and the next.
I don't know when it'll stop getting worse and that's part of what makes my throat close and I start to hyperventilate.
I wish there were drugs I could take that would allow me to sail through time, unaffected, until it does get better. Legal drugs, that is.
"Time heals all wounds." It's during that time that I start to think that depressing thought that no matter how good things get, there are going to be the bad times.
I'm not naive enough to believe that once you get through the bad times, it's good times for the rest of your life. It's ebb and flow, up and down.
It's that down that I DREAD. It's the down that I don't know how to get through and when I do, I fear the next one that I know will come.
I know most of you live life not fearing the bad. I want to do that. I've got to fucking do that or my life is over.
Did you know that one of our favorite book stores has an online university?
Barnes and Noble University has free online courses and reading groups.
I was impressed and I'm taking a course right now. It started yesterday and goes through November 8.
I've never been scholastically inclined but that's mostly because I couldn't sit in a classroom for long periods of time. I can do this in my p.j.s!
Have you ever visited Soul Food Cafe?
No? Well you should! It's chock full of so much crap that it'll take you days to pour through it. It has some great creative writing information that makes me pea-green with envy.
Are you sick of seeing these on every single car, truck or van?
Yes? Me too.
No? I totally want one!
I'm praying that it doesn't rain all weekend. I want to go to the Bayou City Art Festival.
I've been going twice a year for several years now. There was always this one artist that I looked for every year, Walter Falk. I own several of his originals. He's a character for sure. He drinks throughout the entire show and tells stories of his travels across the world and each story takes place in or outside of a pub. He waits until the last minute before a show and then he paints furiously, often times selling paintings that are still wet.
I love this guy.
Unfortunately, he hasn't been to a show in a few years. I miss Falk.
I am looking for something sort of specific.
I have a huge blank space on my wall in the dining room. Previously, it housed a beautiful high quality movie poster from The Glass Key starring Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake, except it was in French. It was about 5 feet tall and 2 or 3 feet wide and exquisite. I had to throw it out. A few years ago, someone allowed a bottle of cola to explode either in the kitchen or at the dinner table causing soda to spray on the walls, ceiling fan, pictures and my beloved poster. I was never able to remove the stains from the poster. Now, it's trash.
I need something equally as stunning to occupy that big empty space.....for a reasonable price, of course.