had a panic/anxiety attack?
I have. It's not fun.
I had one a few months ago and I've been having them on and off for a few days.
I find the human brain to be interesting.
What is the purpose of these attacks? Why do I have trouble breathing and feel like either my heart is going to burst out of my chest or my chest is going to collapse?
Why do some people have them and others don't?
I fully admit that I do not handle stress well. I don't know why. I want to be strong. I really try and at first I think I will be, but as time creeps by, it starts to build. The pressure. The tension. The detachment from everything.
I guess part of the problem is this - and I'll let you in on a little secret here, kids - I don't talk about my feelings or my problems to anyone. No one. Not my mom, not my sisters, not my friends, No One.
I have a therapist but that's only for an hour every two weeks. In two weeks, I pretty much forget to talk about what was bothering me or I just plain run out of time.
I am a closed book. Most people I know would be shocked to know I have panic or anxiety attacks and that I'm actually scared most of the time. I hide this shit well, my friends. Call the academy because I deserve a freaking Oscar!
I hate that old adage, "Time heals all wounds" or some shit like that. Sure, it does get better with time but it's a LONG time.
I want it to be better NOW. I know that tomorrow it will be worse and possibly even worse the next day and the next.
I don't know when it'll stop getting worse and that's part of what makes my throat close and I start to hyperventilate.
I wish there were drugs I could take that would allow me to sail through time, unaffected, until it does get better. Legal drugs, that is.
"Time heals all wounds." It's during that time that I start to think that depressing thought that no matter how good things get, there are going to be the bad times.
I'm not naive enough to believe that once you get through the bad times, it's good times for the rest of your life. It's ebb and flow, up and down.
It's that down that I DREAD. It's the down that I don't know how to get through and when I do, I fear the next one that I know will come.
I know most of you live life not fearing the bad. I want to do that. I've got to fucking do that or my life is over.
Posted by De at October 12, 2004 09:17 AMMy girl has anxiety and stress problems. She goes off the deep end when something happens out of her control. She has anxiety whenever we are about to do something fun, so what happens is that we rarely get to do anything. We have a daughter, and she is the glue that holds us together. Before our daughter, my girl was very strong willed, and self depedent which attracted me to her. Now, she is none of those things, and her anxiety has forced her to rarely think about others. We may not be together long, and that sorrows me. I don't think I can be with her in her condition. I know, it's not her fault, but we both suffer. I don't know you from squat, but yet I felt compelled to share. Wish I had something positive to say. Wait, something comes to mind. Perhaps God chooses those among us to be burdened more so than others, because his plan is to make those more burdened, Kings and Queens of our next life. You see, a great Ruler is someone who knows hardship, and can empathize with others on the same level. Don't you agree? I'm a stutterer. I'm humbled by it, but I work through it, in the hopes that my day will come. So will yours.
Posted by: akhen at October 22, 2004 10:16 AMVisiting a doctor and a therapist could be a big help for your girlfriend. Finding out why we behave a certain way sometimes helps us get past it.
I know it's helped me tremendously.
Thank you for sharing your story.
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