Sex? Yes, Please!
I don't get this guy....he makes my brain hurt.
First he says that I have murdered my own spirit because I've had a sex life.
Then he says that we should insist gay marriage be legalized.
I don't know whether to love or hate him!
I believe homosexuals should be allowed to get married. If we're going to separate church and state, we shouldn't be picking and choosing what we separate and what we don't.
BUT...I don't believe that having several sexual partners is an abomination.
I like sex. Hell, I LOVE sex.
I have never been married but I'll be damned if I'm going to do without sex just because I have chosen not to commit myself into that institution just yet.
I've had several partners in a year. I've had several partners in a month. What's the big deal?
It doesn't make me think any less of the sanctity of marriage. I am 31 and I am not married by choice. I believe that marriage should be forever and until recently, I haven't been with a man with whom I think I could spend the rest of my life.
I think marriage is beautiful. The commitment between two people who love and adore one another is awesome to me.
I can't wait for the day when I become one with my soulmate but until then, I'm having sex....
and lots of it!
Key Issues
Do you guys know Key Monroe?
Well, you should.
Russian Toilets
God only knows why we thought we were exempt from the shopping hell that is the day after Thanksgiving. We didn't go to the big early-bird sales, we waited until later in the afternoon, keeping it low-key.
I am one of those people who only uses public restrooms when it's absolutely necessary. Well, after 3 Dr. Peppers at lunch, it was absolutely necessary. I found the ladies restroom in the mall and as I walked around the corner, I saw that there was a line. A line to go to the bathroom.
Maybe it's just me, but I find something so disturbing about this. I REFUSE to wait in line for a toilet for a couple of reasons:
1.) This isn't communist Russia. I refuse, in this free country, to stand in line for bread, potatoes, or potties.
2.) Doesn't anyone realize that when you're waiting in line to go to the bathroom that you're using that toilet right after someone else uses it? You will more than likely be sitting on a warm seat. GROSS!
Hell, I really don't like the idea of sharing a restroom with someone I'm having sex with, much less complete strangers.
Strange Eating Habits
While at the grocery store, I was reminded that Wolf Brand no longer makes their canned tamales. If you're not in Texas, you probably don't know what the hell Wolf Brand is but they are the makers of the best canned chili. Years ago, they had tamales and chili mac in their canned good line up.
I loved those damn tamales but I didn't eat them like others would. I removed the husks, poured it all in a sauce pan and then used a fork to smash the tamales until it formed a paste-like consistency. Disgusting, yes. Delicious, yes.
No other brand of canned tamales even come close.
I have another strange habit of eating puffed Cheetos with a fork. I ADORE puffed cheetos but I don't adore the orange cheese dust it leaves on my fingers. I've been using a fork since junior high and have been teased for it ever since. No one seems to understand how practical this is!
As a little girl, I loved mayonnaise and cracker sandwiches. What the hell is up with that? I don't know how I learned to make these good awful things but I would slather on a thick layer of mayo, then crush some saltines and sprinkle them on the bread, add another slice of mayo-slathered bread and you've got yourself a disgusting sandwich. I loved them.
I'm a grown woman but I still love Spagettios with franks, Chef Boyardee, Little Debbie and Happy Meals.
What disgusting/strange eating habits do YOU have?
Dirty Ol' Men
I got to meet two bourbon swilling, cigar smoking dirty ol' men today. Jim invited me to come and "help" him set up his new blog. However, I wasn't much help. Instead, I ended up learning a lot about typepad. His friend Marcus was there, too.
I look forward to reading what these two fellas have to say.
Oh and calling them D.O.M. doesn't mean that I don't think they were pretty damn cool.
Happy Thanksgiving, Kids!
I don't know why I'm still up.
I have to get up early and start cooking. My contributions for our family Thanksgiving dinner are corn casserole and some kick ass green beans.
These aren't just any green beans, these are green beans cooked in luscious bacon fat with potatoes that were fried in that same bacon fat. Sure, it'll clog your arteries the second it slides down your gullet but isn't that what the holidays are for? Isn't that why we fry our turkeys down here?
Today was my first day on the new job. It wasn't anything to write home about or......blog home about. I was only there a few hours and I think I'm going to catch on pretty quickly. I just wish I could get over this homesickness I was feeling about an hour into the work day.
I've gotten so use to being home that it's going to take a while for me to get back into the swing of things.
Thanks For Mutton
Have I mentioned what a shitty year this has been? No? Well, it has been a shitty shitty year.
I can't even begin to describe all the crap that has happened to me and most of it is so severely personal that I won't even mention it here but I was hoping that getting this new job would be the beginning of some good things. No, fate isn't quite done with me.
My sisters and I planned a fun day of lunching, shopping and coffee on Saturday to celebrate our sister Dana's birthday. I got into my car that morning, turned the key and....nothing. Dead. My car was dead.
For some reason, I wasn't even surprised. After all the bullshit I just figured, why not?
I called my sister to come get me and I put it out of my mind for the rest of the day.
On Monday, my dad came to pull my car to the mechanic. I had never been behind the wheel of a car that was being pulled, I was a little nervous. After a couple of blocks I thought, "Wow, this isn't so bad." About two seconds later, at a VERY busy intersection, my dad pulls away from the stop sign and the cable goes with him, leaving me sitting at the stop sign, stranded...fucked.
I waved the cars around me to go on and checked my rear view mirror. There was some SUV pulling up behind me so I waved for them to go around me. Instead, they pulled up even closer to my bumper, so I waved them around even more vigorously. The driver opened the door and stuck her head out and it was my sister Dana! "Do you need some help??" she asked, laughing.
She told me she was going to push me with her Explorer through the intersection into the parking lot of a convenience store. Meanwhile, I see my dad trying to turn around to come back and get me.
Dana bumps my car and I start to slowly coast through the intersection while cars are piling up at the other stop signs. I glanced at a car that was stopped in an oncoming lane and I was shocked to realize it was my other sister, Doris!
At that moment, Dana's license plate holder broke off on one side and my car just wasn't going anywhere, so she pulled around and into the parking lot along with Doris and they got out and the three of us pushed my car into the parking lot behind my dad's waiting truck.
He connected the cable back under my car and we hauled my car safely to the garage, while I white-knuckled the steering wheel.
It wasn't until after we left the car that I realized how unbelievable it was that two of my sisters just happened to be at the same exact intersection as we were just when I needed them most.
So, apparently, some higher being was watching out for me because that was more than just a coincidence, don't you think?
Of course, I'd rather a higher being watch out for me by letting me win the lottery.
It's Better To Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On
I was yanked out of my bed by sheer responsibility. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to take a shower, much less actually put on make-up AND do something with my hair. But, I did because I absolutely had to.
UTMB (University of Texas Medical Branch) has sold this Worksteps program to companies and city governments. Before you go to work, you have to go there and do a series of exercises tailored to the job if your employer is a client.
Ok, as an IT person, I'll probably have to lift a computer or crawl under a table and fuck with some cables, I get that. I figured I would go lift a couple of heavy boxes, pass the test and leave, right?
Nuh uh.
I got there and they put me through the fucking WRINGER. There is a reason I don't exercise...I'm fat and lazy!
I start off by doing a step exercise to test my cardiovascular system. I had to step up on a little stool, one foot at a time and then step down, one foot at a time; like step aerobics. The other twist to this is you have to do it all to the beat of this evil metronome. About 10 seconds into this, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to pretend to breathe normally but after a minute went by, I knew pretending was impossible. I just prayed to God I wouldn't wheeze and fall on the floor writhing in agony.
Thankfully, right before I died, the timer buzzed.
But, the nightmare wasn't over. I had to lift a box with 80 lb weights in it...several times. Then I had to set up a 50 lb table, climb a ladder 6 times, squat for 2 minutes, have my arm strength and back strength tested and then some woman probed my spine, neck, head, and listened to my joints.
The only bright spot of the day was when the therapist guy that was working with me went to show me how to lift the 80 lb box correctly, accidentally hit himself in the nads with the corner of the box.
I tried hard not to laugh and he tried even harder not to cry. It was a tense moment for the both of us.
After his face returned to a normal color, we continued. He deserved it for the torture he was putting me through. Fucker
One would think my pain and humiliation would be over after the Worksteps fiasco, but no. I had to then go pee in a cup. Oh yes, my prospective employers are worried that not only will I be an out of shape slob, but that I'm also on some kind of mind-altering drugs. I wish.
Without getting too disgusting...Can I just say that women are not meant to pee in cups and it seems like the cups just keep getting smaller. What the hell is up with that? Why would they give us a fucking thimble??
I watched the woman ahead of me today leave the bathroom with her specimen and she was holding it away from her body like it was toxic. She sat it down on the counter next to the "urine tech" and it left a ring. A. Pee. Ring.
I wanted to vomit.
Then it was my turn. I realized why her cup was dripping. There are no towels or a sink in the bathroom. If you piss all over your hands and the cup, oh well, you have to walk out with urine covered hands.
There was a sink located outside of the bathroom and I scrubbed like I've never scrubbed before. I felt like coming home and reenacting a scene from Silkwood, when Meryl Streep's character was contaminated and they rushed her into a haz-mat shower and scrubbed her skin raw.
Actually, I came home, threw myself onto the floor and sobbed. Slowly, I rose up from the carpet, raised my fist to the sky and declared, "As God as my witness, I'll never piss in a cup again."
The Black Demon.....Is Here
I was diagnosed with severe depression a while back. I was in therapy until I lost my insurance and I am on medication. I love my medication because it doesn't make me feel "medicated". I still feel the black demon lurking sometimes and occasionally he will grab me and hold on for a while, especially when bad things happen.
It's been a goatfuck of a year for me. The worst year of my life, in fact.
Just when I think it can't get worse, it does and it did today.
So, that's why my blogging has been so intermittent lately. Hopefully, this new job will jumpstart my brain and I'll be more creative soon.
In the meantime, read some cool blogs (besides mine) like Gut Rumbles. Mr. Rob is now an unfettered man, writing the Great American Novel but he still has time to regale us with his prolific prose.
Or if you like a little spice in your life, read Dirty Whore Diary. Do I even have to warn you that this isn't a work safe link??
Here is another whore (but of the book variety): Confessions of a Book Whore. Ok, this one IS work safe but it might not be eye safe. I HATE reading on a black background.
This isn't a blog but have you ever wondered what certain operas were about? Just say yes! Check out Opera Synopses.
I also have a soft spot for Sam. She's been fluish but hopefully she'll be more entertaining than me.
One Of The Most Disturbing Things Ever
I present to you....Mini Kiss.
A pint-sized Kiss cover band....
Jesus wept.
Tidbits
My mom is doing much better now. I was worried for several days after she left the hospital because she was still very tired, pale and generally lethargic but suddenly Friday, she felt better. She even went to an informal highschool reunion last night.
It's going to be so weird starting a new job again. I have been unemployed for a year now and have very much gotten use to my life. I might cry everyday from sheer homesickness!
This weekend, I attended my goddaughter Megan's 12th birthday party which took place at the local roller rink. No, I didn't skate. However, I did look longingly out on the skating rink and remembered, fondly, how my best friend and I LOVED to rollerskate. We were good, too.
For a fleeting moment, I thought of renting a pair of skates just for the hell of it but as I imagined myself out there on that wooden floor with all those kids, I also imagined myself falling on my ass and suddenly I was hauled back into reality. You see, as a child, falling was no big deal. You simply fell, got up, laughed your ass off and continued on skating. When you reach a certain age, falling is serious shit. It's no longer fun. It becomes an incident that stays with you for days, even weeks depending on how you fell and it could possible end up being a situation where the teenagers that patrol the rink would have to help heave your aging, prone body up and escort you to a comfortable chair. Suddenly, your skate around memory lane turns into a humiliating event proving you should have continued just handing out cake while the kids call you "ma'am".
Dear Father Time,
Screw you again!
Sincerely,
Grandma Moses
When I Win The Lottery I'm Going To Chop Up My Neighbor
Apparently, if you have enough money, you can kill people, dismember them and dispose of them in the bay.
Just like Robert Durst.
A friend's husband was working in the jail where Durst was making his home.
He was living in the lap of luxury with a cell 3 times larger than the other inmates and he was too good for the prison food. His family sent money so he could have food brought in from local restaurants.
I'm no law expert but if the jury were given the option of a lesser charge, rather than first degree murder, he would be punished for his evil deeds. Instead, he'll get some kind of wrist slap for jumping bail and possibly tampering with evidence.
Nice.
Goodbye Cardboard Box....
Hello gainful employment.
After a long bout of joblessness, I was offered a job today.
I think it'll be pretty cool. It seems to be a laid back atmosphere and the hours are not bad. The pay sucks but I can't bitch about that yet.
I'll probably start next week.
Another Mommy Update
Let me start off by saying....I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXHAUSTED!
Taking care of someone is tough work.
Mom was released from the hospital yesterday. Her hemoglobin went up a bit and she was feeling a tad bit better.
She's still anemic and she's weak and tired AND of all fucking things, she's now getting a cold!
My dad is such a jerk. What the hell is wrong with some people who think they are exempt from participating in the care of other people yet expect to be cared for by others?
When I got to my mom's house, my dad was practically knee deep in filth. Not only did he not do a thing to help clean while Mom was in the hospital, he contributed to nearly ALL of the mess. When the trash got full, he just piled things on top, letting it spill over to the floor. Of course I should clarify that this wasn't food-type garbage but paper-type trash.
I cleaned it up and bitched the whole time. He complained that he is still the father and I shouldn't talk to him like that.
HE. IS. STILL. THE. FATHER. Is he fucking kidding me??
I told him he didn't have the right to pull the father card when I was cleaning up his shit, not because he wasn't able, but because he felt like it was acceptable to live like this and expect my very sick mother to clean up after him when she got home.
I'm still pissed about it!
That old man better hope and pray that he goes before my mother because he'll be a lonely mother fucker if he doesn't.
I did some research on red blood cell building foods and I've been cooking them for Mom, then I bought her some iron supplements. I'm going to FORCE that woman to get well.
We are still watching her closely. She has suffered from DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) since I was 2 and has been on blood thinners for years. Because of this internal bleed, she's been taken off of the blood thinners so we are terrified that she will have a blood clot. When we voiced these fears to her doctor, she explained that she's not putting her back on the blood thinners until the tear in her stomach is healed. We asked what should we do about the blood clotting disease and the doctor actually said, "Just pray."
JUST PRAY??????????
I don't like that. I don't like that AT ALL. I'm sorry but I don't want my doctor to even believe in God. I want my doctor to believe in medicine and science. When a doctor starts putting shit in God's hands, it's time to be afraid.
Thanks to everyone who sent their well wishes. I sincerely appreciate it.
Mommy Update
Her hemoglobin was even lower this morning so the doctor ordered a blood transfusion. After, her hemoglobin went up about 2.5 points and she was feeling quite a bit better.
I actually got her to take a little walk down the hall this evening which is amazing since this morning she had to have help walking to the bathroom.
She thinks the doctor will let her go home tomorrow. She's been running a little fever, so I'm not sure what that is about.
My mother feels SO lucky to have 4 daughters. We've done everything for her. My sister Rhonda actually bathed her this morning, we get her a drink of water or help her get adjusted better in bed, I found myself cutting up her food for her today, we watch every single thing the nurses do and question pretty much everything they do, too. You'd think this questioning of the nurses would piss them off but yesterday one of them told me, after I asked why they hadn't taking my mom's hemoglobin count yet, that it's a damn good thing I was concerned because they DID forget to do it.
It's not that the nurses are incompetent, it's just that there are too many of them; RNs, LVNs and CNAs. They don't seem to know what the others have done or they just don't read the charts well enough. I feel bad for those who have no one to take care of them when they are in the hospital. I couldn't imagine just leaving my mother in there alone.
You may have noticed...
I haven't been around lately.
My Mom is pretty sick and in the hospital. She was in ICU until this afternoon and then they moved her to a private room.
She woke up Thursday morning vomiting blood and was rushed to the ER.
After many many painful tests including having a tube rammed through her nose and down her throat to her stomach to suction out the blood, they did an EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy) and found what's called a Mallory Weiss tear. She was severely anemic from all the blood loss. To make a long story short, she was a fucking mess.
She had us so damn scared.
She's not completely out of the woods yet but we're pulling for her.
I've spent every waking moment at the hospital. I was there yesterday from 7:30 am til about 8 pm but now that she's in the private room, we can stay longer so I was there today from 7 am til 1 am.
To make matters worse, I'm VERY VERY sick myself. I'm not sure if it's the flu or bronchitis (which I suffer from chronically).
So, I'm a big fucking mess too.
Hopefully, she'll be home soon and I'll be breathing again soon.
The McLachlan Review
That would be Sarah McLachlan. I bought her new album, Afterglow, today. She hasn't had a new one since Surfacing in 1997. Mirrorball was released in 1999 but it was just live versions of old songs.
Anyway, I rarely give my opinion about an album until I've listened to it several times but I've already noticed something about Afterglow; it's not nearly as poetic and heartwrenching as Surfacing or Fumbling Towards Ecstasy.
One of my favorite songs is Full of Grace
Just read the lyrics and you'll see what I mean:
Full Of Grace
the winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
to long too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
if all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
so it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we said and did
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
if all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
See? Lovely, isn't it?
Here is a sample of her new lyrics:
Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can feel again
until I can breathe again
cause Im a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
Ive no fear at all
I don't know. Maybe I'm not being fair. I've been listening to her other albums for years and still find them fresh and beautiful. I probably just need to give this more time.
We've Always Been Myopic
I read this interesting entry by the Great One, Instapundit.
He includes excerpts from an article in a Saturday Evening Post from 1946 questioning our presence in Germany.
Sound familiar?