Everything Is NOT Alright

I know there are bad things in this world. I KNOW humans do horrible things to one another. I know there are murderers, wife beaters, rapists and child abusers out there because I read about it in the news or see it on TV. It's not usually in my face. It's never been IN MY FACE before....until tonight.

I took the dogs out to potty like I do every night after work.
There is a sidewalk that runs along side the second apartment building with a large grassy field on the other side designated for dogs to do their business.
This sidewalk is about 6 feet away from the bedroom windows of the first floor apartments.
As we were approaching the building, I could hear the sound of angry screaming. I am sometimes entertained by wives and husbands arguing loud enough for the entire complex to hear and I just assumed this was what I was going to encounter.
I walked closer to the windows and I quickly found the source of the noise coming from an apartment with their blinds partially raised and the bedroom light shining brightly enough for me to see everything.
I heard the words "fucking bitch" coming from a rage-filled woman.
This wasn't a husband and wife. I peeked in the window from my place on the sidewalk and saw the focus of this anger. It was a little girl no older than 8 or 9.
Her mother, whose face I couldn't see, was screaming things like, "You're a fucking bitch! How could you do something like this? You don't think about anyone but yourself because you're a little BITCH!!"

My slow brain couldn't quite absorb what I was hearing. This woman was raging against a small child, presumably HER child.
"Sometimes I hate you so much it makes me SICK! You've ruined my life! You're such a fucking bitch. DO YOU HEAR ME????" This last questioned she screamed so loudly that her voice cracked.
I watched the girl for a few seconds. She was kneeling on the floor doing something, I couldn't tell. I expected to see terror or sadness on her face but she had no expression, she just watched the woman impassively.
She must hear this a lot.
The screaming continued. Things were said that didn't make sense to me but must have applied to the situation in that home.
I started to walk away wondering what in the fuck I was going to do when I heard a slap. I went back to the window to see the girl getting back onto her knees. She hit her! She slapped that child. I didn't see it, but I heard it.
I wanted to break into that window and beat the living fuck out of that monster.
I wanted to scream those same obscenities at her while I kicked her in her hideous face repeatedly. Unfortunately, I didn't. I have too much common sense. I didn't want to go to jail while the rest of the world felt sorry for this single mother, attacked by that psycho dog lady.

I was pretty far from my own apartment so I knew anything could happen by the time I got back home and got my phone but I knew I had to tell someone. I just couldn't let this go.
Walking back, I kept thinking about this little girl, living in this situation, being called names no child should ever be called, hearing things no child should ever hear. I started crying. I cried like a fucking baby all the way back home. My hands shook with fury and emotion as I tried manuevering the leashes.
I called the police, their non emergency line, to ask them what I should do. The desk officer immediately said they'd dispatch an officer to my apartment to speak to me and then to perform a welfare check.

When he arrived, I started crying while telling him what I heard and saw. He told me I did the right thing because you never know what could happen if I didn't call.

He was gone a long time and I kept picturing different scenarios in my head.
The officers come to the door, ask to see the little girl. They see marks or bruises on her, arrest the mother and put the child somewhere safe.

or

The mother goes psycho when the cops show up at her door. She starts screaming at the child that it's HER fault. She traumatizes the little girl and turns the situation into a bigger nightmare.

For some reason, neither scenario made me feel like a hero. Sure, if there is abuse going on, the child needs to be taken away but what if it's somewhere worse?
What if she isn't taken away but the mother blames the girl for the cops coming?
Did I do the right thing?
How could I NOT call someone and tell them what I saw?
I kept questioning myself.
About an hour later, I got a call from the police department passing a message on from the officer that visited me.
His exact words, "He checked it out and everything is alright."

How can that be?

I often think about having a child. My main concern about being a mother is being able to take care of a baby financially.
I'd struggle to feed and clothe it but I'd LOVE that child. I'd put myself before him/her on a daily basis. That baby would be my life. I'd give it everything humanly possible.
Kids are a challenge, I know this, but I can't imagine EVER treating a child the way this woman treated her daughter. I can't imagine treating a human being that way.

No, everything is NOT alright.

Posted by De at January 12, 2005 10:09 PM