What the hell?? It's been a week since my last post? Christ on a crutch!
I've been playing house and failing miserably.
As I write this, the kitchen is a freaking mess and I am too tired to clean it.
I don't mind cooking, I just need a maid to clean up after me.
I was watching a story on the news this evening about the murder trial of a woman, Susan Wright, who tied her husband to the bed with his own neckties in the pretense of having kinky sex and stabbed him nearly 200 times.
What's interesting is the fact that the prosecutors simulated the murder scene, bed and all. I'm sure it was quite a treat for the jury when the female prosecutor straddled a male attorney who was tied to a bed. Courtroom Porn!
At the end of the newscast they also said that Susan Wright's former occupation was revealed today. She was a topless dancer before her marriage.
This is important because all topless dancers are potential husband killers. [/sarcasm]
..or is it?
I've had a headache for over a week. Some days it's tolerable and some days all I can do is lie on the couch ala Greta Garbo in Camille and just wait for death as Robert Taylor bends over me to kiss my lips before I take my last breath.
Garbo didn't die of a tumor, though. Was it comsumption? What the hell is consumption,anyway? People were always dying of it back then.
Anywho...
I'm trying hard not to let my hypochondriac tendencies take over and imagine more blinding headaches that lead to the diagnosis of an inoperable brain tumor. If you watch One Life To Live, you just KNOW that is what is going to happen to Blair, right?
Lovely Boyfriend and I have been playing house for a couple of weeks now and it's been lots of fun. I create culinary masterpieces almost nightly and neither of us have gotten sick of it.....yet. He might be screaming for hamburger helper or Sonic before too long.
Valentine's day wasn't a big production. At first we had planned to go out to a big nice restaurant and then to the Red Cat Jazz Cafe for some live music but because of my "toomah" I wasn't feeling well so we stayed home, ordered some chinese and watched The Family Guy DVDs while picnicking on the livingroom floor.
It was quietly romantic.
I tried to find a guest blogger but most of my friends are major wussies.
I have been keeping up with my favorite blogs, however.
Things over at Acidman's blog has been like a freaking soap opera. Actually, it might just be more of a soap than real life. I think most of this shit is fiction but it's entertaining, nonetheless.
Anna at Primal Purge laments over the end of a long enduring romance (Ken and Barbie).
My best friend and I spent many an hour playing with our barbies. We didn't have Barbie's Dream House or Barbie's Pink Vette. These bitches were POOR. They had to work the streets for a living and come home to a shoe box for a house and a ragged wash cloth for a bed. It was a rough time for our Barbies. It was the late 70's early 80's and Reaganomics hadn't provided us with the economic boon, yet.
By the lavish times of the mid-80's, we were more into dressing ourselves in huge shoulder padded blouses, pegged acid-washed jeans and neon socks with white pumps than our Barbies so they lay, stripped naked in our closets until we either gave them mohawks or threw them in the trash in an attempt to slough off the last vestiges of childhood.
My niece, now 21, has been collecting special edition Barbie's since she was a toddler and they have been sitting in their boxes, untouched for, at most, 20 years.
I don't know. I believe Barbie was meant to be played with; to be contorted into perverted positions and used to act out strange playtime fantasies.
I could be wrong.
Yes, I am alive. I have been spending tons of time with the big M. We're like a normal couple now. He gets up in the morning, I fix him breakfast and send him out with a kiss and a travel mug of coffee to fight the traffic on his way downtown.
It's hideously wonderful.
I know I'm sucking as far as blogging goes and I totally tried to convince my friend to guest blog for me but he chickened out. I'm going to hit up another friend who is funny as shit but with a new born baby, she might not have much time.
In the meantime, please don't forget about me and enjoy the cool kids on my blogroll.
PS....Check out Geoffrey's new blog, if you haven't already. He's teamed up with his liberal brother and the notorious Gordon which makes for a VERY interesting read.
I'm flipping out. Lovely Boyfriend just told me this morning that he will be here (HERE!!) on Saturday.
His company is sending him here (HERE!!) for 6 weeks to work on a project.
Yes, kids, you heard me right. SIX FUCKING WEEKS!!
It will be like we are a normal couple for over a month!
Usually I have weeks to prepare for his visits but this time I have 48 hrs. Hence the flipping out.
So, why am I sitting here reading blogs?
Because, Silly, it's not the last minute!
Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if the Earl of Sandwich was just named Leon?
I'm currently in complete LUST for this. In this color.
Sure, I know I said I'd be watching the Super Bowl festivities from my couch but suddenly I found myself in downtown Houston walking the streets with thousands of other idiots.
I am not sure why there were so many people down there. There was a big stage called The Main Event and some third rate bands were playing (certainly no one famous) and there were some beverage and food booths but nothing else. The bars and bistros were open but I couldn't figure out what the draw was. Then I realized why these people were here, for the same reason WE were there, to bask in the Super Bowl glory and to catch a glimpse of some celebrities.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Hotel Icon with a bunch of teenage girls holding notepads and sharpies hoping to see stars. We scrutinized every limo that drove in and out of the garage and I had a conversation with a little boy who told me The Rock was inside and how his mom LOVED The Rock and was hoping to get his autograph. I said to the little guy, "I think all mommies love The Rock." I also understood why this lady loved him after I saw her sad troll of a husband.
So, I'm standing there, behind a barricade thinking, "This is a sign of the end of civilization. I am 31 years old and I'm standing in front of a hotel hoping to see someone famous. I have sunk to a brand spanking new low."
At that very moment, I saw Dave Navarro walk out of the door. I realized that no one recognized him at first and before I knew what I was doing, I heard myself scream, "IT'S DAVE NAVARRO!!!!!!!!!!!" The crowd then started screaming too.
It was an odd mixture of pure excitement and total shame. I am a commom groupie.
God help me.
Before that horrid incident, I felt some pride for my city. Houston has never looked better. The skyline district downtown looks like someone scrubbed it clean. The buildings are beautiful, the trendy bars and bistros are so attractive. There are sculpture fountains everywhere so that no matter where you are downtown, you have this uncontrollable urge to urinate.
Will Houston look this good next weekend? Probably not, but it's nice to know we have potential.
I made my friend swear that he wouldn't raise his hand when they asked if there were any virgins (people who haven't been before) in the house. I tried to act like I had done this millions of times and I was VERY glad I did.
They got two virgins up on the stage and made them play a strip spelling bee. The chick was either stupid or a born exhibitionist because she got down to just her lacy thong by the end of it.
We purchased a prop bag and took our cues from the others in the audience when to use all the items.
I had rice stuck in the strangest places by the time it was over!
It was a ton of fun, though. I'm glad I finally went and I'd totally do it again.
If you have NO fucking clue what I'm talking about, check out this website to find out.
I got this from Lisa.
My visited states are in red.
create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide
You can make your own here.