It's really strange not having Crash around.
I find myself looking for him or watching out for him. When we would visit my mom, I could never get comfortable until I knew where he was. Being blind, he'd get turned around in her big house or have trouble finding his way through the doggie door.
While at my mom's Tuesday, I kept wondering, "Where is Crash?" then I would remember.
Tuesday morning, I got out 3 treats instead of just two. I wake up in the morning and it takes me a few minutes to remember that he's gone. He slept in the bed 100% of the time. Zoe and Piper sleep on the bed 50% of the time. I woke up this morning with the bed to myself. It was a very odd feeling.
It's hard to let something or someone go after being in your life for 10 yrs.
There is something else that is bothering me. I realized yesterday when I was walking Zoe and Piper that I resent them a little.
I know it's horrible and I'm so ashamed of myself but I see them running around in the grass, sniffing everything in their path and I'm a little angry that Crash can't do that anymore.
I know this will pass but it's not fair to them. They're just as dependant on me as Crash was but I spent over a year devoted to Crash because of his health issues.
Everything I did, I did with Crash and his disease in mind. I changed their food for Crash, knowing that Piper and Zoe would eat whatever I gave them. I fed them boiled chicken and rice because it was good for Crash's digestion.
I would wait and take them out when it wasn't so hot because I knew the heat would tire Crash.
Zoe and Piper were secondary in my thoughts because they were healthy and didn't need my special attention. Now, I don't know what to do with them.
I laid in bed today and rubbed their bellies for a while. I know these feelings are temporary so I'm trying real hard not to neglect them. Life will eventually merge back into some kind of normalcy.
I found out it will take 2 - 3 weeks to get his ashes back. I have no idea why it will take that long but it will give me time to pick out an urn.
I had NO idea they had so many pet urns to choose from. It's unbelievable.
I guess I'm not the only crazy dog lady in the world.
Posted by De at August 31, 2006 11:53 AM | TrackBackCrash wasn't just a dog, he was the most special baby ever!
*next to Bogey of course.
Posted by: Tammy at August 31, 2006 12:06 PMDe, I'm sorry to hear about your dog - would've replied sooner but was away this week. Hugs to you today...
Posted by: Lisa W. at September 1, 2006 05:56 AMJust look at it this way - you've still got two little guys who love the hell out of you; and there's more of you to go around. Plus, they probably miss him too. I mean, he was probably like their Fonz or something.
Posted by: shank at September 1, 2006 10:18 AMOh I'm so sorry. I understand completely. I had a dog like that -- she loved me more that any other living being ever has or ever will. I was crushed when she had to be put down. Crash is watching you from doggy heaven for sure and it was good you let the pup die with dignity.
Posted by: Libby at September 3, 2006 06:10 PMHi, you don't know me, but my name is Lisa. I came to your site in a strange way. My brother's wife, Deanna (we call her De) was nearing the end of her pregnacy and she was very cranky. He googled, "how to make Deanna happy" and your site came up. I thought I'd visit. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Crash. My family loves dogs. Currently, we have Elvis, (a doberman) the family dog, and I have Diva, (a yellow lab), my dog. I pray that your heart feels better soon. I know Crash is hanging around you in spirit, even though he's in doggy heaven. Dogs (all pets really) who love us like that never leave our side, even when they aren't physically here anymore.
Blessings,
Lis
I left the blogosphere for a little while.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Huge Hugs
Hiya De,
I know I haven't been around much, but I came across your blog today and this entry made me cry. Please don't ever feel like you're the only crazy dog lady in the world. And don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do...all us crazy dog ladies have our favorite.
Hang in there, hon. My thoughts are with you
Posted by: Lisa at September 12, 2006 04:25 AM