March 03, 2006

Hamburger Eyebrows

I normally get my eyebrows arched and waxed pretty often...I'd have huge Brooke Shield caterpillars on my head if I didn't.

I've been putting off going recently because I stopped having my nails done and the little ladies harrass me about it when I come in to have my eyebrows done. This one particular chick is exceptionally good at it...better than anyone else so I still want to go see her but it's hard to explain to someone that doesn't speak English well that I bought a new car and had to do away with some excessive expenses.

So, my eyebrows are growing wild and even though I am a plucker, I thought I'd use this great little eyebrow shaper I've had for a few years. It's basically a straight razor wrapped with wire on a stick. However, like I said, I have had it for a few years and it was a little dull so I stopped into my local Walgreens to get a package of new ones.
They didn't have the kind I bought previously but they had something similar...these: shaper.jpg

I get home and try them out.
I try it on one eye and it seems awkward, like I can't get my hand in the right angle, so I move over to the other eye and try again. After actually trying to shape the eyebrow, I realize that the razor doesn't look right.
I study it closely and realize that it's missing that wire wrapping that makes it safe.
It's just a plain ol' straight razor on a plastic stick.
I then look up at myself in the mirror...I was bleeding. I was fucking BLEEDING!
BOTH eyebrows looked like Edward Scissorhands tried to apply my eyeshadow.
This dangerous weapon sliced my skin open and I couldn't tell until blood started seeping from the thin openings.

Now, I feel like the whole world is staring at me, wondering what the fuck happened to my face.
It hurts to blink and God help me if I have to be cute and do facial expression. Just one movement of the eyebrow is monumentally painful.

It wasn't until the next day that I looked this product up on the internet and read reviews from other women who butchered their eyebrows with this tool of destruction.
I thought about throwing them away as soon as I got home but I thought better of it.
If ever I'm attacked by ninjas, I now have a useful weapon.

Posted by De at March 3, 2006 01:27 PM | TrackBack

You know, when you had the photo up of you to the left of the banner, I was always struck by your eyes. Such beautiful eyes. I have never seen eyes of equal beauty.

Don't poke them out!

Posted by: Paul at March 3, 2006 03:13 PM


That sounds awful.

And Painful.

Pictures please.

Posted by: RightWingDuck at March 3, 2006 05:55 PM

I too was thinking of the picture.

Of course, I'm glad you've still got your sight, but I can't help the comedy of this situation. It's just so universal - person tries some new beauty/fashion/grooming product, person ends up maiming/mutilating self. I can't tell you how many times I did shit like this as a teen, trying to dye my hair or cut it on my own. Hell, I just bought a new razor yesterday, I'll probably end up hurting myself with it tonight.

Posted by: shank at March 6, 2006 10:10 AM

It WAS funny! I butchered myself so I wouldn't have to face my disapproving asian eyebrow ladies!

No pictures, you rubberneckers! The cuts have almost completely healed already. Next time I slash myself to bits, I'll grab the digital cam before I bandage my wounds...just for YOU guys!

Posted by: De at March 6, 2006 12:47 PM

You really should remember to take pictures every time you self mutilate!

You know - you really should learn to be more considerate of your readers


Posted by: RightWingDuck at March 6, 2006 03:43 PM