March 01, 2006

Summer Teeth

Yesterday, a good looking gentleman found his way into my work area.
He picked a book up from my desk and asked if he could look at it.
I thought it was rather presumptious to take something off my desk but I smiled and nodded. I was busy helping someone anyway.
He sat right across from my desk and read MY book for about 30 minutes.

Finally, he asked if he could buy the book. I said, "It's not for sale. It's actually my book."

"So, I guess you want to keep it?"

I lifted my eyebrows and said "Well, I don't know. Maybe we can negotiate." See, the flirting? It's just instinctive, involuntary. I don't know I'm doing it til it's out of my mouth.
For this guy, it was like I was waving him in.

He got out of his chair, walked over to me, knelt down so we were at eye level and he started talking.
Now, up to this moment, I thought he was a good looking guy; a little older but I've always had a thing for older men.

But when he got close to me, when he opened his mouth...well...that was a deal-breaker.
His teeth were FUCKED UP.
The ones that were still around were various shades of grey.

I didn't hear a word this dude said. I kept looking at him, damning his teeth!
Damn! I could have SO totally gone for him but for the teeth...god.
If you have bad teeth, I sincerely apologize but there is NO way in hell I could ever imagine myself kissing someone with a grill like that.

A single girl in her 30s starts to lower her standards sometimes. I actually looked at him for a moment and thought, who needs to kiss? Maybe we could have a relationship where we just don't kiss.
My internal dialogue went something like this:

Kissing isn't that important is it? I mean sure, kissing is great, it's passionate, it's great for kindling the fire but that only lasts, what...a year? How many couples who are together for years still kiss like they were teenagers on their parents' couch?
Ok, so maybe I could live without the kissing.
But he would have to talk. I can see the teeth when he talks. How could I look at that, day after day?
How could I face my family and friends after THEY saw it? They would take one look at this teeth and think, "And she KISSES him?".
I would then have to explain, "Oh, no, it's ok. See, we're not kissing! We have a STRICT no kissing policy!"
I might as well wear a t-shirt everywhere we go, "I'm not kissing him" with an arrow pointing to my left or right.

I couldn't do it. Besides the kissing, how does someone let their teeth get like that?
Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's a disease but there are dentist who can work wonders.

Just look what they did for Hilary Duff!

Posted by De at March 1, 2006 11:46 AM | TrackBack

Man. That dude probably reads your blog.

He's going to be waiting for you outside the library when you close up tonight. Waiting. Watching. Sharpening his axe.

Posted by: shank at March 1, 2006 12:33 PM

...or his tooth...

Posted by: De at March 1, 2006 12:35 PM

I'm guessing you've never travelled to England? Or Alabama for that matter.

Posted by: Paul at March 1, 2006 01:47 PM

wait a few years, no teeth, no problem? right...

Posted by: John at March 1, 2006 02:49 PM

Now I'm jealous. Jealous and hurt. And it's my birthday and everything!

I guess I'll just go blow out my 912 candles, brush my perfect teeth to a blinding shine, then stare at my giant penis as I cry myself to sleep as I whimper "DeAnna" over and over again, trying only to soothe the ache in my broken heart.

Christ, I'm adorable.

Posted by: skippystalin at March 2, 2006 12:20 AM

Aww...don't worry, skippy. I mentally dumped the guy. I'm still waiting for you...mentally.

Posted by: De at March 2, 2006 12:19 PM

I'm not a double negative expert, but shouldn't the following

We're on a "No Kissing" strike!"


We're on a "Kissing" strike!"

Wouldn't a "No Kissing" strike mean you were kissing all the time?

Just wondering. I'd hate to get it wrong.

And you thought I never read your blog. Pahh! You're prolly wishing I didn't after that nit-picky comment.

Posted by: Darren at March 14, 2006 11:58 PM

Yeah, shit. Could you please go back to ignoring my blog??

Posted by: De at March 15, 2006 10:04 AM