June 30, 2005

Lint Brushes: Not just for lint anymore...

My friend Tammy and I were having a lovely conversation about this guy she dated that within a few weeks, she realized was gay.
I asked her how she knew and she told me things like he watched the opening scene to Troy over and over again and then said "I have a thing for Brad Pitt". Comments like that will give you a clue.
It didn't take her long to break things off.

Our IM conversation about this guy follows:
(this is definitely R rated)

Tammy: we hung out and got high about a month ago
Tammy: and we started talking about sex
Tammy: just like general conversation
De: right
Tammy: and he comes out with this little gem
Tammy: "when i'm masturbating the only time i can come is if i have a lint brush stuck in my ass"
De: lmao
De: a lint brush
Tammy: the handle
Tammy: but still
Tammy: shit
De: how about springing for a buttplug or some shit
Tammy: no kidding
Tammy: i'm tempted to get him one for his birthday
De: if you're going to play, have the proper accessories
De: a lint brush!
Tammy: yeah
De: wtf? what if I came over and realized I had some lint on my black pants
De: so I grab the nearest lint brush
De: "oh don't use that. it's been up my ass"
De: "so THAT'S what that smell was"
Tammy: i think it's a "special" lint brush
Tammy: dude, how do you even get to the point where you look at a lint brush and want to stick it up your ass?
De: thank you!
De: "oh wow...this handle would be awesome up my ass"
Tammy: exactly
De: I don't shop down the hair accessories aisle going "that brush would be great in my vagina"
Tammy: ive been with guys who like the occasional finger in their asses
Tammy: but never a lint brush
De: yeah that's a new one
Tammy: i like to think i'm sexually open
De: finger in ass: good
De: lint brush: bad
Tammy: that about sums it up
De: lmao
De: i'm laughing so hard
De: I have to blog this!
Tammy: hahah
De: I'll change names of course
Tammy: i don't care
Tammy: i didn't stick a lint brush up my ass

Posted by De at June 30, 2005 06:24 PM

Ed is GAY!

Posted by: Tammy at June 30, 2005 06:28 PM

naughty naughty ;)

Posted by: Reilly at June 30, 2005 10:41 PM

I think I wet my pants.

Posted by: jessica at July 1, 2005 09:32 AM

I'm going to not touch the lint brush with a ten foot pole, but I worked with someone who had fathered two children on his second wife before realizing/admitting he was really a woman in need of surgury.

Posted by: triticale at July 1, 2005 02:16 PM

O.M.F.G. Well that's a new one on me. And I was laughing so hard that the chair was moving and I may have put a hole in the wall.

Posted by: Sabrina at July 2, 2005 11:13 AM

Good Christ!

Posted by: Wolf at July 5, 2005 07:32 AM

Just goes to show, one person's lint brush is another person's ummm... treasure.

Posted by: Angela at July 5, 2005 08:39 AM

I can't stop laughing!!

I will never look at a lint brush the same way again.

Posted by: Cheri at July 11, 2005 11:49 AM

Ok, that has to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Out of all the things laying around a house how do you decide on a lint brush?

Posted by: Lyonene at July 12, 2005 02:31 PM

The first tip-off that he was gay might have been the fact that he even owned a lint brush. Maybe I'm not most men, but I didn't even know what one was until I moved in with a girl and she showed me how one worked. I always just took them to the dry cleaners and let them take care of it. Lint brush, hell I don't even own a hair brush.

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