How Do You Explain a Psycho?

Ok, so I was asked to explain all the weird stuff that went on in the comments on my lovely post about Anna's return to Primal Purge.

Without giving too much personal information away that isn't mine to give, I'll give you the Reader's Digest condensed version:

Lon (a nickname of course) is my best friend of hmm....25 years? (Christ on a cracker! I'm not even 25 years old! How did that happen?) Anyway...
She's been married for about 200 years and suddenly last summer, some psycho chick decides she wants Lon's husband.
In some roundabout way, this psycho chick stumbled upon MY blog and hoping she could find some useful information to use against Lon, she scoured my blog for HOURS a day from her place of employment.
I realized this when I noticed several hits coming from this particular place. I knew it was odd because at that time, no one that close in physical proximity knew about my blog. I tried to keep this secret from people close to me.
After some investigation, I realized who this person was and why they felt the need to go over my blog with a fine-toothed comb.
Lon's husband has told Psycho Chick (PC) he doesn't want anything to do with her and he and Lon have even laughed about how pathetic this psycho is.
She's been to various public libraries in the area, using their computers to check my blog.
Either she is obsessed or she really loves my writing!

So, the other day, PC decides she wants to comment on my blog pretending to be Lon.
I'll quote her comment:

This is part of my healing process. My therapist said I must explore all my feelings including guilt and denial in order to make my life better.I have something to confess to the most awesome and wonderful person I know. First of all let me just tell you. I love you De. You have been absolutely wonderful to me. Your sencerity and sheer kindness leaves me in awe.Please, forgive me for what I am about to confess to you.I slept with someone very near and dear to your heart.I don't know why, It just happened. It was crazy emotional moments, that only occured a few times. You know how sensitive I am. I never inteneded to hurt anyone,none of the times were planned.I know my marriage isn't perfect but, I want to put these minor incidents behind me. So, I can be a better best friend to you. I know you have always been envious of my relationship with my husband and family.I have seen how you look at him.I'm begging you now,not to let these things come between us. Let's put the past in the past, and love each other for who we are.

As soon as I read this, I knew it wasn't my best friend. Even if she HAD slept with someone near and dear to me, I know she wouldn't pour her heart out on a public blog!
The fact that she mentioned I was envious of her relationship with her husband was laughable too. Her husband and I have a comical love/hate relationship: He loves to irritate me and I hate it!
Also, the comment came from a computer at a public library several miles from here and when I called the REAL Lon to tell her about this just a few minutes after the comment was left, she was at home, taking care of her beautiful children.
Unless she can twitch her nose and disappear and reappear in mere seconds, it wasn't MY Lon.

However, not everything she said in the comment was a lie. The part about me being awesome and wonderful and sincere and kind is totally true!

We laughed our asses off at PC's obvious stupidity. It's almost sad really....almost.
So, the REAL Lon left a few comments after PC's fake Lon comment, poking some fun. We made up Steve and the herp and the limes - the hermit crab is real.
We had to have a little fun with PC. It's hard to get angry at the mentally retarded.

Oh and just to be on the safe side, I called all my ex-boyfriends from the last 25 years and none of them admitted to sleeping with the REAL Lon, so you're in the clear, girl!

Posted by De at April 23, 2005 10:31 AM