Silver Lining?

I think most humans take a bad event and try to find the good in it.

Like, the life and death of Terri Schiavo. It was a no-win situation, really. But out of this whole situation, the world is talking.
People are writing living wills, taking to each other about "what if", debating when does life end, rather than the usual abortion-when-does-life-begin issue.
This is a good thing. We should talk about this stuff.

When my nephew died, we all tried to find the "good" in it. Of course we all knew that we weren't going to find anything that would make us glad he died but we just wanted to hang on to something...anything.

Because of his death, my sister and I have gotten closer.
There was a time, not so long ago, that I felt like I didn't quite belong in my family. There is a 10 year gap between me and the next oldest sister and I don't share the same father with my 3 oldest sisters so I always felt like an outsider. I just didn't quite fit in.

But because of our close proximity in ages and some deep cosmic connection, I did feel very close to my nephew and his little brother.
Now, their mother, my sister, is clinging to me as if I am doing something that makes her feel better when I'm around.
For once, someone in my family wants me around all the time...not only wants me around but NEEDS me around.
I like that, being needed so desperately. I feel closer to Rick when I'm there anyway so I am being healed a little when I'm helping them heal a little.

I've also emailed a cousin to whom I've never particularly been close to although he's only 2 years younger than me.
His parents moved out of state when we were pretty young so we never spent much time together.
For some reason I felt drawn to him at my nephew's funeral. Rick thought the world of our cousin and I wanted him to know that.
I also wanted him to know that I thought he was special. Something was telling me that my cousin was a lot like Rick, a bright light, a person with an unspoken quality about them.
So, I emailed him and told him.
I figured this would be a shock to him because the only time we ever talk is at funerals and occasional family holidays.
I'm talking once a year, maybe.

He was flattered but not shocked. He said that he felt the same way about me. He felt like we were connecting now on a higher level than with other family members. It wasn't through email or spoken words but on some kind of cosmic level.
He had that with my father, he said, so it was no surprise to him that he felt that way with me.

This was a surprise. A nice surprise.

I like to think that Rick's at work here. He's bringing people together.

So, maybe this impossible Terri Schiavo situation will bring good things eventually.
It's definitely making me examine my life and eventual death and little better.

Posted by De at March 31, 2005 07:05 PM