It's On My Mind

I don't write on my blog about him everyday but I do think about him all the time. Nearly every minute of everyday.
I think about how I won't see my 23 year old nephew again, how he won't turn 24 next month.
I think about his smile or how quickly he would laugh at my jokes. I think about how he would seek me out at family gatherings and in every picture of Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthdays, etc., he is sitting next to me.
I think about the special memories that he and I shared, memories that no one else has.

Memories of playing Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt on his first Nintendo and how he would get a little frustrated with me when I couldn't shoot all the ducks. Watching Donna Reed and Mr. Ed on Nick at Night. Walking to the corner store for snacks and him trying Tahitian Treat for the first time. We talked about Tahitian Treat for years, as late as last Thanksgiving, even.
I think about how one year, he wanted to give me a really good birthday gift because I was the coolest aunt in the world. He gave it so much thought and then it hit him! Baseball cards! He and I use to talk about baseball a lot so he just knew that I'd LOVE baseball cards. Not just any cards but cards from his own collection. He went through his own vast collection of trading cards and picked out a bunch he thought I would like. He put them in a box and wrapped it himself. He then cut out a funny cartoon from the newspaper and taped it to the top with a note that said, "To the best aunt in the world. Love, Rick. The original party animal!" (Remember the Spuds MacKenzie days?)
I still have those baseball cards. As a 14 or 15 year old girl, baseball cards meant nothing to me, but THOSE baseball cards were the best gift I had ever received. They still are.

How is it that the world just goes on?
How am I getting out of bed everyday, going to work everyday, holding conversations with people everyday?
How in the world do I get the energy to smile or even laugh?

Anyone who knows me, knows how special my nephew was. I bragged on him all the time. He WAS special. Not just to me but to everyone that knew him.
He had something that drew people to him.
I called it a "light" and we were all moths. There were approximately 700 moths at his funeral. The largest funeral that place has ever had.
He wasn't just special to me or our family. Everyone knew about his light.

My sister, his mother, wonders if he wasn't an angel sent down here to touch a few lives.
I am starting to wonder that myself.
Long before he died, she always said that he was so easy to raise. He never worried her, he never talked back, was always easy-going, polite and happy.
She and her husband thought he was so wonderful because they were such amazing parents so they tried very hard to have another.
The younger nephew came along and changed their minds. Oh, he is wonderful too, but in a different way. In a "I'm going to climb everything, break everything, drive you absolutely crazy but then make you laugh about it" way.
So, it wasn't just skilled parenting. Rick was special. Angelic.

I guess angels can't stay on Earth forever but at least I have my own angel now watching over me.

Posted by De at March 3, 2005 01:47 PM