Where in the world am I?

So...you may have noticed I haven't been around much.
You may not have noticed at all.

I took a week of vacation to do some serious spring cleaning. I planned on cleaning out a scary closet, rearranging furniture, totally clean out my kitchen, getting rid of things I never use. I was going to shampoo the carpet, even.
How much of this did I get done?
I cleaned out half of the scary closet.
My week didn't turn out entirely like I planned. In fact, it was a nightmarish week.
I started out the weekend with helping my sister and her family move into their new house.
They built this beautiful home on the water (on a canal, really) and I helped organize boxes, unpack, etc.
On Monday, I went shopping for my cleaning supplies and garbage bags and got a new cell phone.

Tuesday, I started cleaning. I tackled that scary closet like there was no tomorrow.
I threw EVERYTHING away. Bags and bags and boxes and boxes of crap went down to the dumpster.
Let me just mention that I live on the second floor so each trip to the dumpster involved a flight of stairs. Let me also mention that it was 105 degrees...not including the heat index. (My sister's outside thermometer measured the heat index at 120 on that day.)

By 4pm, I was exhausted and disgustingly sweaty. I decided that was enough for the day so I showered and went over to visit my sister.
I woke up Wednesday and I couldn't move my neck. I guess with all that heavy lifting I pulled something.
I couldn't pick anything up or bend over without being in pain so I declared it laundry day.
I had bedding and old clothes that needed to be washed before it was donated.
Wednesday was also the day that the media descended on us. There was a terrible tropical storm headed our way. "Run for your lives!!!", they said.
My best friend was out of town and I was taking care of her pets. Her dogs were outside in their dog run and I was worried about them being in the storm so I called her and we devised a plan to get them inside and puppy proof the house. I made 4 or 5 trips to her house that day.
Typically, the storm didn't hit us. After the rains cycled through, life went back to normal.
Thursday, I tried to clean but my vacuum cleaner broke. By this time, I was fed up. Obviously, I wasn't going to get anything done and my vacation week was almost up. Screw spring cleaning!
I took the vacuum in for repair on Friday and spent the rest of the day driving around getting my expired license tag renewed and looking for a place to renew my expired inspection sticker.
Everyone was either SUPER busy or closed. Since when do inspection places close on Fridays?
Now, on Saturday is when my VACATION week gets nightmarish.
The vacuum repairman called that morning to tell me it was ready and that he closes early on Saturdays.
It was pouring down rain but I wanted to at least vacuum this weekend and I needed to check on my friend's dogs.
I threw on some clothes and my flip flops and left my apartment in the rain.
On the very first stair step, my feet slipped out from under me and it was as if the rest of it happened in slow motion. Suddenly, I was in the air. I had time to think "Oh shit. I hope no one sees this!" before I hit the second or third step. I must have thrown my arms out to catch myself but I just kept going. I hit two or three steps before I finally stopped.
The first thing I noticed was that my right thumb really hurt.
The second thing I noticed was that my ass was wet.
THEN I checked to see if anyone had seen this debacle. I looked around and miraculously, I was the only one outside.
I got up and walked the rest of the way down and got in my car like nothing happened.
When the horror of the moment started wearing off I realized I hurt in many different places.
My thumb was already started to swell and I realized I had a knot on the back of my calf from where I must have hit one of the steps. Of course, my ass was hurting pretty good, too.
Like a freaking trooper, I picked up my vacuum and headed to Lon's house to check on her pets.
Keep in mind that it was still raining. Mother Nature didn't stop her deluge just because I was in pain.
I guess I was in a bit of a hurry because the first step I took on Lon's porch had my foot slipping out from under me again and yes....yes ladies and gentlemen, I fell...AGAIN.
This time I fell on my right knee, bending my toe and smashing it into the hard concrete.
My arms instinctively flailed out to catch me but instead I scraped my hand across her brick and instantly, I started dripping blood everywhere.
I actually yelled out "Mother of GOD!!!!". How could this keep happening?
I realized then that it was my shoes. My $3.50 Old Navy rubber flip flops!
I got inside, grabbed a paper towel to staunch the blood flow, fed the dogs, bird and the fish and got the hell out of there.
I went home, took a shower and went back to bed and stayed there all freaking day.
It was just too dangerous for me to go out.

Today, I'm in terrible pain. I must have jarred my back and neck pretty well because I'm in pain from my toes to the top of my head. I am bruised all over my body and I broke my right big toenail and messed up my new pedicure.
In short, I am a fucked-up mess.

I can't tell you how glad I am to be back at work today.
I need a vacation from my vacation.