I admit it. Sometimes, females aren't the brightest human beings.
I think it's because we're mostly ruled by our emotions.
Now, I'm pretty level-headed, I think. I tend to have relationships like men do. I can make myself NOT get emotionally involved in someone if I feel like it's not going to end well.
However, when I do get my heart involved it's IN there for the long haul.
There are only two exboyfriends that I am NOT in regular contact with.
The rest of them are my good friends.
I don't know why this is. I don't believe I seek them out. Shit, most of the time I'm so pissed off at them that I would be happy to never speak to them again but it seems that each of them find it important to keep me in their lives. Maybe my shit is just that good, I don't know.
After a period of time, when the anger or hurt feelings subside, I enjoy having them as friends.
I like to know that they are doing well and what changes are going on in their lives.
Once I love someone, I feel connected with them for the rest of my life.
Having said all that, the most recent ex and I had a HUGE falling out a few months ago and I felt like being friends with him was actually hurting me more than never speaking to him again.
So, I gave him the ol' heavy ho via a very damaging email and it's been silent for 3 months or more.
Then, the other night I had a dream. I dreamt he died.
It was so real and so vivid that I was really upset even after I woke.
I thought about it all day. Why did I dream about him like this? Why can't I stop thinking about it?
Intellectually, I know that dreams don't predict the future but I coudn't stop thinking about him until I KNEW for a fact that he was still alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere.
I fought the urge, but I did it. I emailed the bastard.
I was friendly, yet, succinct. "You can tell me to fuck off but at least I'll know you're alive while doing it." was my last line.
He replied. I didn't get the "fuck off". Well, not in those words. I got one line: "Yes, I'm alive."
Which translates to: fuck off.
Trust me. Had I received an email like I sent him, I would be saying "fuck off" too.
I am not sure what I was expecting from him but I kind of wished I hadn't emailed him.
This is why being a girl sucks. We care. After everything that happens, we fucking care.
Idiots.
Posted by De at July 28, 2006 10:06 AM | TrackBackThat shit happens to me all the time - the dreams about people from your past thing. Except for me, getting in contact with virtually anyone from my past is just short of impossible.
Posted by: shank at July 28, 2006 10:41 AM"Except for me, getting in contact with virtually anyone from my past is just short of impossible."
Restraining order?
Posted by: De at July 28, 2006 10:45 AMHell, De.
I still care, and I'm a guy. So don't go blaming it on your innie.
Posted by: Adam Lawson at July 28, 2006 12:14 PMWhat should I blame it on then? Psychosis?
Posted by: De at July 28, 2006 12:21 PMOh, the stories I could tell you, my pretty. But I won't. Mostly because you'd think I was a homo about halfway through the first one.
You'd never know it, but I'm much more agreeable as a prick. Sexier, too. As Skanerella can tell you, nice guys don't have butt plugs and nipple clamps at the ready.
Posted by: skippystalin at July 28, 2006 04:50 PMEh, well at least you know. One of my exes did die recently. :\
Posted by: Sabrina at July 28, 2006 04:56 PMMore than a few of my exes probably want to kill me themselves. But that's just me, all pretty, charming and whatnot.
Christ, one of them got pissed because I told her that she had "nice cans." Granted, I could see starting a relationship that way being a less than gracious move, but this was after we fuck. Worse still, SHE MET ME THROUGH MY STUPID FUCKING BLOG!
And, yes, I am cursed. Thanks for asking.
Posted by: skippystalin at July 28, 2006 05:30 PMSabrina. Holy crap...I just read about that! I'm so sorry.
At least you know why the thought freaks me out a little, right?
Skippy...I'd be honored if you told me I had nice cans.
I wouldn't be pissed, I would reward you. ;)
De,
That's fortuitous, as I remain convinced that you are possessed of the most marvelous milkbags on this or any other planet. Sure, it's only a feeling at this point, but I have a very good track record with such things.
Posted by: skippystalin at July 28, 2006 10:03 PMWow, you're all enlightened and shit. But tell me? How did he die? Was it a particularly gruesome and painful death?
I really hope it was!
Posted by: Tammy at July 29, 2006 11:05 AM