I started having a deep sociological/psychological conversation with a friend the other night and then I brought it up with another friend the next day to get her opinion.
The night before, I was talking to a friend (exboyfriend) about how I've made such good friends with someone in just the year and a half I've known them and he says "Yeah, especially since you rarely let anyone in."
Well, this is possibly true but I took his comment to mean that I don't make friends very often, which is NOT true.
I do have a hard time letting someone into my heart but that's usually lovers, not friends.
But from what I've said about myself in the past, he concluded that I didn't make many friends not taking into consideration that for the 3 years we were together, he actually SAW me make friends and be socially literate.
So, this made me wonder. What is more powerful, the way we describe ourselves to others or the way others see us?
This also led me to question a person's self-perception. Are we who we think we are or are we who others see.
Are we defined by our thoughts or by our actions?
The definition of self-perception is: An awareness of the characteristics that constitute one's self; self-knowledge.
Self-knowledge. Our self-knowledge and the knowledge another person has of us could be completely different things.
Which one is right?
I would pay money to have someone follow me around for a long while and then tell me, honestly, who THEY see.
My friends aren't going to be completely honest. They won't say "You're nice but a little shallow and vain."
I'd need a professional. Someone unafraid to tell it like it is. Someone who has the ability to really see another person.
Could you do it? If someone came to you and said "Tell me what you see and be completely honest, even if it's negative.", would you be able to give an honest appraisal?
Should we be happy with who we think we are and care less about what other people see?
Or is it more important for the person we think we are and the person other people to see to be the exact same?
I definitely don't think most people are who they THINK they are or PRETEND to be or present to others. Actions do speak LOUDLY and CLEARLY and are votes for the way we feel about other people. Excuses are just that, excuses. No matter how many name brands we own or how many names we can drop, types of cars we drive, or the gourmet food we stuff in our mouths(and the list goes on), makes us THAT person...That kind of a person is nothing but a poser. Secretly they are scared and think little of themselves. They are so scared they will indeed be "found out" and they try harder and harder to be this person they are not. At the end of this race, what do we get? Nothing. It will ONLY matter what kind of a person we were...Did we help someone out who needed something more than us, be it clothing or food or even a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. All the things we buy here and now, are only rented. You never "own" anything, you only rent it. You OWN your thoughts, your deeds and your memories... "Now, Dr. De, can I get up from this couch? There is a pair of adorable shoes at the mall with my name ALL over them! (Name brand of course!)"
Posted by: Lon at June 24, 2005 07:21 PMI'm just impressed that you've remained friends with your ex. That's something I could never manage to do.
Posted by: Lisa at June 25, 2005 01:17 AMClearly, from reading your blog, I can see that you're not shallow. And I'm not a friend who has to say that. Shallow people don't think about the things you do.
When you ask "what defines me", it depends on who is doing the defining, and there are countless answers to that question.
But the one that matters most is the one you have to spend 24 hours a day, 365 days a year with, which would be "you".
Before we write it off as so much new-age drivel, it's not as simple as it sounds on the surface. I do have a further postulate that says... you can't fool "you". If you're not a good person, "you" will know... and "you" won't like "you". And of course... bad things are bound to follow in that case. "You" won't be happy.
I say we should always try to be somebody we would want to have as a best friend.
Everything else will follow from that.
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