Yeah yeah yeah....

I know, I need to blog more. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
I have thoughts and stuff but they aren't coming out of my head.

Everything seems boring and uninteresting to me.

Michael Jackson trial: Yawn

Saddam in his undies: Funny but who cares, really...

Flushing the Koran and the Newsweek fiasco: blah

Work drama with Bipolar coworker: I'm SOOOOO over it

I couldn't sleep at all last night.
I started a book a few days ago called Slammerkin by Emma Donoghue and ended up finishing it at 2:30am.
It's one of those books that really pisses you off at the end because you've invested your time and sacrificed sleep for THIS?
Christ on a crutch! Give me a happy ending or something after putting me through that deep depressing muck.
So, suddenly, it's 2:30am and I'm done with the book and think, Ok, I can sleep.
Nope. Ain't happenin.
I laid in bed thinking about everything in the world but mostly my nephew and I cried a little.
It's ok. I still cry. I'll probably still cry for a long time and I'm ok with that.
I've marveled at how many people are a little afraid of me now. It's like I have the stink of grief upon me and no one wants to be exposed to it.
I've lost my father and my nephew in less than a year and people just don't know what to say. Hell, *I* don't know what to say. It sucks. It really sucks. That's about the only way I can describe it.

Anyway, so after I cried I knew sleep wasn't coming so I traveled back to highschool a little.
I remember those nights, lying in bed, KNOWING I have to sleep because school comes real early in the morning but my eyelids just wouldn't cooperate.
So, I did what I use to do back then; I grabbed my headphones, stuck Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball CD in my Discman and laid in bed, in the dark, listening. Of course back then it was a cassette Walkman and probably BonJovi or Heart on tape!

The last time I saw the clock, it was 4am.

So, blame this rambling post on sleep deprivation. I'm just not sure how to explain all the previous posts!

Posted by De at May 20, 2005 11:57 AM