Sorry, I'm Lame

I don't know why I haven't updated.
I have good days and bad days. Somedays, just going to work and smiling at people is about all I can do. Posting a blog entry is out of the question on those days.

I was just talking to a friend the other night and he said that he realized recently that my life is devoted to the service of others.
He's right. My life is not my own anymore.
Since my dad died last summer, I devoted part of my life to helping my mother. Then when my nephew died in February, I've devoted the rest of it to grieving myself and helping my sister who really seems to need me.

Honestly, I don't mind. I've always felt better when I have a purpose in my life. I feel like right now, this is my purpose.
However, if my apartment is filthy, my laundry is piled to the ceiling, dishes are dry rotting in my kitchen sink and I'm growing science experiments in my refridgerator, it's not my fault.

I get up in the morning, stumble around to get ready for work and I don't return to my apartment until 10pm at the earliest.
By then, I am so exhausted and all I really want to do is watch a little HGtv and then read my book in bed.
I'm lucky if I clean my face and brush my teeth before I crash.

It's ok, though. This is all leading to something, I can feel it. I don't know what it is, but there is a reason for all that has happened in the last year.

There has to be.

Posted by De at May 12, 2005 01:59 PM