It's Pity Party Time

Oh it's LOW.
It doesn't get much lower.
I'm talking about my mood. My state of mind. Everything.

The weekend was ok, but I could feel I was building up to something bad. See, yesterday was my nephew's birthday. He would have been 24.

On Monday, I couldn't even get out of bed to go to work. I laid in bed and cried until 1pm when my sister called and asked me to come over.

Tuesday was even worse. It was his birthday but then after two months of my sister saying how I saved her life and how she feels like I am part of her inner circle, I caught her lying to me.
She thought she was trying to spare my feelings but the lies hurt a lot more than the truth.
There is a HUGE gulf between us now that might never be bridged.

I have a habit of pushing people away to avoid being hurt. I especially do it to family because no one can hurt you quite as bad as a family member.
Now, I feel like doing that to everyone in my life.

Today was the first day back at work and I am just not into it.
To make matters worse, apparently, a good friend is either mad at me or taking a bad ass mood out on me.

I am SO feeling sorry for myself right now. I admit it. I'm wallowing in self pity. I'm not ashamed.
If I wasn't at work, I'd be a big crying heap of crap.

Maybe, I should distract myself by talking about current events.
Let's see....
so yeah, the Pope died.
Prince Ranier died.
Britney Spears is pregnant.
I missed American Idol last night but I still hope that girlfriend beater Scott gets sent home tonight.
Killing cats is STILL illegal in Wisconsin.
Oh good. It's also STILL illegal to kill and eat a friend at his request.

Somehow, I just don't feel any better.

Posted by De at April 13, 2005 02:49 PM