Emphasis on "Moron"

I am a competitive under achiever. Would that be an oxymoron?
I don't try very hard but I hate it when someone who does try hard, does better than me.
I came face to face with my inadequacies today and I don't like what I see.
I rarely feel bad about my shortcomings if there is nothing I can do about them, like my big feet, for example. I hate my feet. Absolutely LOATHE them. But I don't hate myself because of them.
I suck at web design. There is so much shit I don't know how to do yet I'm capable of learning it, but I don't. Therefore, I hate myself. See how it works?

So when someone presumably on my level, does a better job at web design than I, I feel very bad about myself.
I could take more courses and learn more about web design, read my books, study more but I prefer the laziness of self-loathing.

I can do that in my sleep.