Ahh...the good old painful days...

Ahh...the good old painful days...

I came across a toy recall site and it made me lament for the long lost days of toys that could kill you. You know what I'm taking about, Tonka trucks made out of metal with those sharp metal edges, spring horses with exposed springs... just right to pinch the holy fuck out of your fingers, Weeble people that fit perfect in your trachea, guns that really look like guns, and toys made out of particle board that broke off into pieces from the humidity.

Do they still make that crazy candy, like pixie sticks or candy necklaces? Kids are disgusting. I can remember wearing those candy necklaces, running around the neighborhood, sweating like a mofo, then a few hours later, taking the necklace off and biting the slimy candy off. Meanwhile, you have a sticky ring around your neck that attracted flies and dirt. Pixie sticks were a little dangerous. If you inhaled too fast you could choke on that sweet powder. Oh yeah...death candy!
What about candy cigarettes? How cool were we, pretending to smoke those little white sticks with the uneven red paint at the end? How politically incorrect!
Candy had such magic back when I was young. Bubblegum was the most fun. I loved the kind that was 2 cents a piece, shaped like a short cylinder and hard as a fucking rock. Yeah, it broke a few teeth but it was grape flavored!
Bazooka gum has those cool little comics on the inside of the wrapper but the flavor of the gum lasted about 3 seconds.

I bet being a kid isn't as fun as it was. Toys are just infinitely more fun when there is the possibility of mortal danger.

Posted by De at July 2, 2003 08:50 PM